Your child initially has a limited understanding of death, which will inevitably be explored upon the death of someone close to your family. If a family member has passed on, it's an ideal time to talk to your child about death in order to help him better cope with the situation, based on his knowledge and level of understanding. KidsHealth.org, a division of the Nemours Foundation, warns against using euphemisms--death should be explained in realistic and honest terms to help your child work through his feelings and grief.
Young Toddlers
Small toddlers and preschoolers under age three don't understand death as anything but a reason that someone is gone. They may notice the absence of a loved one without truly understanding what has happened, notes the Ohio State University Department of Family and Consumer Sciences. Because children of this age will not understand terms like "dying" and "death," help them cope with the absence by simply being there for them. They might feel abandoned and scared and need familiar loved ones around.
Preschoolers
A preschooler from age three to five regards death as a temporary state. Children this age believe those who pass on will eventually come back, notes child psychologist J.W. Worden, Ph.D., during an address to the Outstretched Hand Foundation. That's why using euphemisms like "He's gone to sleep" or "She's gone away" are taken literally and are discouraged for this age group. It's important to explain that someone who dies cannot come back. This will help to stop the child from feeling any false hope.
Ages Five to Seven
Children ages five to seven have a better grasp of the concept of death and what it means, but that grasp may manifest as curiosity that seems jarring to some. They may want to know exactly what happened, and how it caused their loved one to die. At this age, children tend to over-generalize about death, suggests the National Association of School Psychologists (NASP). They are scared of death, so they make it conditional; only old people die, or only those who are in car accidents will die. Satisfy their curiosity by being open and honest to help them understand and move on.
Ages Seven to Nine
As they age, children develop a more realistic understanding of death. At this age, funerals and wakes are especially beneficial in giving closure to the death and honoring the person who died. The children understand that death is final and permanent, and may become increasingly worried about bad things happening to themselves. Relax an older child's fears by talking about why death happens. The National Network for Child Care notes that children of this age accept parents' religious beliefs, so it may help to explain what you believe about death to your child.
Preteens
As your child progresses toward becoming a teenager, she may become aggressive after the death of someone she loves. Acting out, regression and wild behavior may accompany a feeling of loss. Allow your child to express herself, and leave yourself open to communication that may seem painful to you. Watch your child carefully for signs of severe grief and depression, warns the NASP, as older children are more prone to experiencing different levels of grief and loss.
