1. Understand the Causes of Vaginismus
Vaginismus is a condition in which a woman's pelvic floor muscles spasm involuntarily in response to penetration or attempted penetration. This makes penetration either impossible or painfully difficult. Many women have never heard of vaginismus, and do not realize they have it. If vaginal penetration for you is difficult (during sexual intercourse, inserting tampons or having a gynecological exam) because of involuntary muscle tightening, that's vaginismus.
Vaginismus can be caused by a number of different things, and understanding the cause is an important part of treatment. There are two types of vaginismus: primary and secondary. You have primary vaginismus if you have never had vaginal penetration. If have experienced pain-free penetration in the past, you have secondary vaginismus. Most primary vaginismus is caused by fearing that sex will be painful early in life, having a strict religious upbringing that caused negative feelings towards sex or having some sort of early childhood trauma that may or may not be related to sex. Secondary vaginismus can be caused by childbirth, gynecological surgery, infection, allergic irritation or psychological trauma. Identifying and addressing the initial cause of your vaginismus is the first step on the road to recovery.
2. Get Help from a Sex Therapist
With the help of an experienced sex therapist, most women have a good chance at full recovery from vaginismus. A sex therapist can help you determine the cause of your condition and provide guidance and instruction in exercises you can use to overcome it. A sex therapist can also help you address emotional issues. Even if your vaginismus has a physiological cause, it's likely that emotional issues like depression, anxiety, low self-esteem and relationship problems have been caused by having to cope with vaginismus in your life. In order for treatment to work completely, these issues usually need to be addressed.
3. Learn to Control Vaginal Muscles With Kegel Exercises
Kegel exercises teach you how to contract and release the muscles in your pelvic floor. Because vaginismus involves involuntary contraction of these muscles, learning how to control them at will allows you to override those involuntary spasms. Kegel exercises are easy to do. To identify your pelvic floor muscles, simply attempt to stop your urine flow in mid-stream the next time you're using the bathroom. The muscles you use to do that are your pelvic floor muscles. Contract and hold these muscles for 5 seconds and then release them. Doing 10 sets of this exercise several times a day will increase your control over your pelvic muscles.
4. Desensitize the Vagina Using Dilators
Vaginal dilators are used to desensitize the vagina to penetration. These are typically used in combination with Kegel exercises and should be used with the guidance of a sex therapist. With this therapy, you insert increasingly larger phallic-shaped dilators into the vagina to retrain your pelvic floor muscles to respond appropriately to penetration. You are not trying to stretch out the vagina. This treatment can be practiced with your partner, and can serve the dual purpose of helping to restore an emotional connection that may have been damaged while you were unable to have painless intercourse. The goal of desensitization is to reach a point where you and your partner can have sexual intercourse without any pain.
