Good communication skills are learned through practice and appropriate modeling. In his book "The Power of Positive Parenting," Dr. Glenn Latham states that parents need to "Teach your children through example and involvement how to express themselves, how to listen, and how to engage in conversation with one another." It may require some re-prioritizing, but with commitment and sincere effort, your family can acquire the communication skills that will strengthen your relationships and bring you closer to one another.
Step 1
Eat dinner together. Having meals together provides good opportunities for parents to model and practice good communication skills. In her article "Who's Coming to Dinner: The Importance of Family Meals," Michigan State University's Family and Consumer Sciences associate program leader Jodi Spicer says, "Eating together as a family can teach good communication skills such as listening patiently, and expressing one's opinion in a respectful manner." As your children get older and schedules get more complicated, it may not be possible to eat dinner together as a family every evening. Try to aim for as many nights a week as possible.
Step 2
Invite your child to talk to you about her interests. It is easy to become preoccupied with your own expectations for your child. However, in order to feel comfortable communicating with you, your daughter needs to believe who she is and what she likes is important to you. "No matter what your teen's interest---sports, music, clothing, TV, video games, friends, school---ask questions and learn what's going on," says AAP.org. If you notice that most of your conversations with your daughter center around her schoolwork, her chores or her behavior, make an effort to talk to her about her interests and hobbies, too.
Step 3
Engage in small talk with your family. You want your children to feel comfortable coming to you with serious concerns, but being able to talk about silly, trivial or run-of-the-mill things is important, too. Families who can laugh, joke and enjoy each other's company are more likely to have good communication skills than those whose "talks" turn into lectures. "Just talk. Don't judge, don't sermonize, don't moralize, don't instruct, don't reason, don't advise--just talk," cautions Latham. This is not to suggest there won't be times where instruction isn't appropriate or necessary; however, avoid allowing your conversation to become a diatribe about how your son could improve himself when he's come to you merely to chat.
Step 4
Schedule one-on-one time with your spouse. Work, children and social obligations may keep you so busy that time alone with your spouse gets put off. Couples need to have time together to discuss adult concerns and to stay connected to one another. As the leaders of your family, your children will look to you as the examples to follow. If your relationship with your spouse is strained or distant, it will affect all of you. Put regular date nights on your schedule or try to spend some time alone together at the end of every day after your children have gone to bed.
References
- Michigan State University: Who's Coming to Dinner: The Importance of Family Meals
- American Academy of Pediatrics: Talking With Your Teen: Tips for Parents
- "The Power of Positive Parenting"; Dr. Glenn Latham; 1990
