While you may have suspected it for some time, it's never easy to her that your friend is in an abusive relationship. You might be at a loss for words or too overwhelmed to know the right thing to do and say. She's not alone and neither are you. One in four women in the United States will experience relationship abuse, according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, and many of those women got help and support from their friends.
Step 1
Believe her story. It may be hard to hear, especially if you're close friends with her abuser as well, but take her word for it. Never doubt her story or ask her to explain herself. Tell her you're sorry she's having a hard time, and assure her that you're there to support her.
Step 2
Never confront her abuser. While your first instinct may be to rush over to her house and give her abuser a piece of your mind, this puts you in serious danger. Even if you're not in danger, you may make things worse for your friend when she returns home later. Allegations of abuse are serious and trigger many abusers into a panic that they'll lose control over their partners. Keep contact with him to a minimum.
Step 3
Find agencies in the community that help victims of relationship abuse. Go with her if you like, but let a professional assist her in getting the legal and community support she needs. Become familiar with her safety plan. Write the number to support services on a small card and give it to her to carry always.
Step 4
Allow her to keep an emergency bag at your house. An emergency bag contains clothes, sentimental items and important papers, like birth certificates and financial records. Tell her that she can come to your house at any time, should she decide to leave her abuser. Make sure she knows you are available. Even if she can't live with you, give her the option of spending a few nights so she knows she has a safe place to flee to.
Step 5
Give her only positive messages of support. Never tell her when she should leave or give her advice, according to the Center for Relationship Abuse Awareness. Avoid telling her to try to work it out or to stay for her children, and never tell her when she needs to leave. Understand that she may try to leave several times before making it permanent, and support her decisions, no matter what.
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