Parenting difficult children can be particularly challenging. New York University's Child Study Center defines difficult children as being slow to adapt to new situations, having irregular eating and sleeping schedules, or becoming easily upset or providing other strong emotional responses. Happily, parents who become aware of their own emotional tendencies as well as those of their children can learn to interact in a way that is instructive yet supportive.
Know Yourself
Recognize your own emotional tendencies and situational preferences, recommends NYU's Child Study Center. With this insight, you can better recognize your contributions toward your children's behavior as well as fine tune your parent-child interactions to be more positive, appropriate and consistent. The goal is to "mesh" your personalities into as close a fit as possible.
Communicate
Communicate clearly and often, and keep your expectations realistic. Difficult children may need advance warning before changes, clear parameters of expected behavior or simply more time to adjust to a new situation. Parents should be aware that their children are not "acting up" but are adapting at their own pace.
Set Limits and Respect Opinions
Consistently set limits to reassure your children and to inform them of your expectations. They do not need to agree with your decisions. Remain firm. Listen to their feedback, take it seriously and let them know you appreciate their perspective, but maintain the authoritative role of parent.
Encourage Development
Call out your children's behavior as it happens, and ask them to self-reflect. Asking a child, "Does that seem like a good idea to you?" is far more constructive than saying, "Stop that right now!" When given the opportunity, even difficult children can learn to solve their own problems (such as sharing conflicts). The American Academy of Pediatrics cautions parents to avoid taking their child's behavior personally. Most likely, children are drawing from their innate temperaments, not following some kind of hidden agenda.
Respect Differences
Avoid comparisons, highlight individuality and praise strengths in your children. Realize that your children not only are trying to grow and to change but also are adapting to many complex situations of which you may not be aware. When you are proud of one child, note her behavior to the entire family. Everyone can be inspired by a positive role model, and everyone can jockey to become the next one.
