The ability to resolve a conflict is a skill that is required in all walks of life. Whether it occurs in the workplace or in personal relationships, conflict is an inevitability. In their book, "Natural Conflict Resolution," Filippo Aureli and Frans De Waal point out that since the 1980s, there has been a sharp increase in developing conflict resolution skills on the political, psychological and sociological levels. It is in everyone's best interest to resolve conflict as quickly and painlessly as possible. Resolving a conflict on a personal level requires insight, an ability to empathize with another's point of view, and the desire to reach a compromise.
Step 1
Think about the conflict in depth before you attempt to talk to the other person. Decide what you want to say. Before you approach the person with whom you are having the conflict, give yourself time to cool off and think about what you want to say in a specific and non-confrontational manner. Develop insight about the problem, and attempt to see it from the other person's point of view. In this way, you develop the ability to empathize with another, instead of seeing them as the enemy to be confronted. The Ontario Ministry of Agriculture, Food, and Rural Affairs that a useful technique is to try to see common interests or common goals, and to approach the conflict from this point of view.
Step 2
Speak to the person with whom you are having the conflict. While the Mayo Clinic's article, "Turn workplace conflict into resolution" refers specifically to conflict in a work setting, their tip to always speak directly to the person you have a problem with is useful both business and personal relationships. Do this to avoid gossip and the chance of undermining the feelings of the other person.
Step 3
Use non-accusatory statements. When discussing the problem, use statements that are non-accusatory, for example "I" statements, instead of blaming statements. The Mayo Clinic's article offers an example: Instead of saying, "You should have included me in that meeting," say, "I don't understand why I wasn't included in that meeting." If you are trying to resolve a conflict within a personal relationship, this tip also applies. Do not accuse the other person of wrongdoing, but rather approach the topic from the desire for clarification. Say, "I feel hurt when..." instead of saying "You hurt me when you..."
Step 4
Keep your focus on the issue at hand. In all relationships, it is easy to get sidetracked by other issues, especially if the discussion becomes heated or emotional. If this occurs, take a few minutes and excuse yourself from the room. Having a little time to put yourself back together and step out the moment can help to re-focus your mind and eliminate the chances of elevating the conflict. Focus on the specific issue you are discussing at this moment, and save the other issues for another time.
Step 5
Find a solution that you are both happy with. This is not always easy, and it make take several attempts before you can come up with a compromise. Try to find a creative, alternative solution to your problem. It does not always have to be the case that one side wins and the other loses. Use your energies together to come up with a compromise that satisfies you both.
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