Having a troubled teen can be one of the pitfalls of being a parent. All of your parenting skills and techniques are effectively thrown out the window when your teenager begins to rebel. Some parents of teens feel like clueless new parents again when they find that their sweet preteen has become troubled, rebellious and belligerent. Help your troubled teen by being a good example, and a pillar of consistency and positivity in her confused and troublesome life.
Identify the Cause
Your teen's acting out over his homework may be caused by something much deeper, suggests Dr. Phil McGraw, therapist and host of the "Dr. Phil Show." Your previously mellow child doesn't suddenly become rebellious for no reason. Identify lifestyle or family changes that may cause your teenager to act out. Try to understand what his difficult behavior is really saying; it could be stress, fear or a change that is causing the problem.
Listen and Acknowledge
Make time to talk to your troubled teen. Arrange a time and a safe, neutral place to draw your teen out without too much pressure. This could be while driving in the car, watching a show or over dinner. Ask how things have been lately, and listen without lecturing, rebuttals or dismissing concerns. Instead, acknowledge and validate your teen's concerns and fears, suggests Disney Family. Let her know they are normal, and you want to talk about them. Open the lines of communication between you so you can better understand how she is feeling.
Say "No"
Too often parents sabotage their own efforts by saying "yes" too freely. Whether you don't have the energy for a fight or you simply don't care, saying "yes" too often can give your teenager too much freedom. Even if your teen rebels, saying "no" lays the ground rules, especially if your teen is dealing with drug or alcohol abuse, notes The Partnership for a Drug-Free America. Learn to say "no" to your teen when he begs you for money, the car or a late curfew. Be consistent and firm so your teen knows what to expect.
Positively Discipline
Your troubled teen expects that you'll yell and discipline when she does something you don't approve of. But positive discipline can be just as effective with teenagers who think they've got you figured out. The National Youth Anti-Drug Media Campaign recommends using positive discipline to teach your teen the value of compliments and positive reinforcement. Avoid negative statements, and look for the good in your troubled teen.
Seek Help
Some teens won't change, no matter what parenting techniques you use. If your teen is in serious trouble that could affect his health or life, the Federal Trade Commission suggests getting professional help through a therapist or an in-patient center. Make sure to find one that is compatible with your parenting philosophies, that is licensed in your state and that has a good success rate when dealing with troubled teens.
References
- Dr. Phil: Advice for Parents
- Disney Family: 5 Secrets for Handling Difficult Teen Parenting Situations
- The Partnership for a Drug-Free America: The Perilous Pitfalls of Enabling Your Child
- National Youth Anti-Drug Media Campaign: Ways to Promote Positive Behavior
- FTC: Considering a Private Residential Treatment for a Troubled Teen
