Coping with the loss of a loved one is a process. Although people deal with death in different ways, psychiatrist Elizabeth Kubler-Ross identified common stages that most people go through during this process. In 1969, Kubler-Ross identified five stages of grief and suggested that all individuals experience many of them when faced with death.
Denial
Denial is a widely used defensive mechanism. It is often easier to deny the existence of traumatic events than to confront them. The reality is that death and loss are matters that cannot be ignored forever. According to Kubler-Ross, denying death results in living empty lives without purpose. While it is a normal first stage in the grieving process, denial is not healthy if it lasts too long.
Anger
Anger typically sets in once it becomes apparent that the loss or death is a reality. The anger may be targeted at one or more persons. Anger can be focused on the deceased for leaving the world or not fighting hard enough to stay. When the anger is turned inward, feelings of guilt about what someone did or could have done often develop. Higher powers can also be questioned about why the loss happened or why it was not prevented.
Bargaining
Bargaining is the stage during which an individual acknowledges the loss but has not accepted that the loss is irreversible. Private negotiations with a higher power may take place in your mind or through prayer. Promises of good behavior in exchange for a reversal of the loss are common. For example, someone may express a willingness to treat a loved one better if that person is returned to life.
Depression
Once the reality of a death is acknowledged and bargaining tactics have proven futile, depression sets in. Feelings of hopelessness and helplessness are common and isolation from others is sought. You may refuse visitors in order to allow yourself time to grieve privately, and you may withdraw from normal activities.
Acceptance
The final stage of the grieving process occurs when there is understanding and acceptance of what has happened. Individuals generally desire to be alone during the beginning of this stage; normal activities gradually resume. In a study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association, Dr. Paul K. Macijewski et. al. noted that acceptance was the most frequently reported stage of the grieving process and it increased significantly months and years after a loss.
