Grief, a normal response to loss, will be experienced by every person during his lifetime. Losses of all kinds, whether you lose a pet, your job, your possessions or a loved one, can be hard to deal with and confusing. The grief cycle, identified by Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, consists of five separate stages that people typically experience following a loss or tragedy. Not everyone will go through all five stages of grief with every loss. The stages are personal, do not follow a time frame and cannot be rushed.
Denial
Denial, a perfectly natural defense mechanism after suffering a loss, is a refusal to accept the reality of the situation. Denial is a temporary response that lessens the immediate shock, comforts you through the initial pain and helps you survive. Expecting a deceased spouse or loved one to walk through the door or believing a loved one will come back after he has left are examples of denial.
Anger
Once you move through the denial stage, anger emerges because you are not ready to deal with the pain of the loss. You might direct anger at God, at the person who died or left, at doctors or at family and friends. People who are grieving often misplace their anger, and therefore you might find that you direct your anger at complete strangers or inanimate objects.
Bargaining
You will often try to regain control of the situation by bargaining with God, yourself or with a family member or friend. If a loss is approaching, you might try to reform your life in an attempt to prevent the loss. You might say to God, for instance, "I will be a better person if you let my spouse live." After a loss, you might also bargain to try to bring a person back. A woman might say, "If my boyfriend returns, I will change my life." Guilt plays a role in bargaining. You will ask yourself, "What if...?" or tell yourself, "If only..."
Depression
Awareness that the loss cannot be changed brings a period of depression. You feel sad and overwhelmed by feelings of guilt, bitterness or hopelessness. You enter a deep state of mourning, and the future may look bleak. In severe cases of depression, you might even experience suicidal thoughts or feelings.
Acceptance
Acceptance that the loss has occurred, and realizing that the loss is a permanent change, comprise the last stage of the grief cycle. Whether or not you like your new reality, you learn to accept it. You begin to let go of the past, move on, grow and evolves. You begin to live again, reach out to others, develop new relationships and continue to adjust to your new reality.
