Many people find it difficult to understand why someone would stay in an abusive relationship. To the outsider, it seems so clear. But to the abused party, it's never so simple. Men, too, can find themselves in abusive relationships, and like women, there are many reasons why they may find it difficult to break away.
Misconceptions
Men can be abused. The difference is that most of the abuse is emotional abuse. Men who are abused are not wimps or sissies or weak. Men should never feel ashamed if they find themselves being victimized by an abusive partner.
Types
Men endure various types of abuse. Emotional abuse is the most common, and it should be noted that emotional abuse can sometimes be worse than physical abuse. Emotional abuse is designed to control a person through humiliation, manipulation and verbal and psychological assaults. Sexual and physical abuse are also possible. Physical abuse is the least common type of abuse affecting men.
Emotional or Psychological
Men stay in abusive relationships for several reasons. The Heart 2 Heart website, an online support network for abused men, says low self-esteem is one reason. Just like some abused women, some men suffer from low self-esteem and think they can't do better. Some men hold on to the love they still have, or once had, for their significant other, which prevents them from leaving, despite the abuse they endure. Men may also feel that the abusive behaviors are a product of an emotional personality or hormonal fluctuations. Men are also known just to deny simply that they could possibly be a victim of domestic abuse.
A man may feel humiliated for not being able to defend himself. He may also fear that if he leaves or attempts to leave, the woman will disparage him to friends, family, neighbors and so on. He may also fear that nobody will believe that he is a victim of abuse.
The Heart 2 Heart website also lists children as a reason men may stay in abusive relationships. The man may rationalize that staying is really the best thing for the children. No parent wants his child to grow up in a divided home. Men must understand, however, that exposure to an abusive relationship between mom and dad can be quite damaging to a child.
Practical
Some other reasons have less to do with the way someone feels. For example, a man may stay in an abusive relationship because, financially, it makes sense. Also, religion can play a role. Catholicism, for instance, abhors divorce. A devout Catholic man may avoid a divorce, for instance, for fear of acting against his religion.
Theories/Speculation
Kathryn Patricelli, psychologist and editor of the Mental Help website, points out that in typical domestic abuse situations, the abuse occurs in a cycle, as opposed to occurring all the time. If abuse occurred all the time, a man might find it easy to leave. Normally, however, it doesn't. Instead, there will be periods of good times, intermingled with the abuse. The abuser may profess sorrow and guilt over treating the man so badly, there could be make-up sex, or other pleasurable interactions that give the man a false sense of love and security--until the abuse starts again.
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