Adoption represents both a new beginning and the end of a previous way of life. Even in the best of circumstances, the loss of a birth family is difficult for a child to endure and understand. While the emotional and developmental effects of adoption can last a lifetime, they are usually manageable with support, counseling and education.
Trauma
Trauma can be rooted in the child's experiences prior to adoption, the adoption process itself or in both of these. In "Attaching in Adoption," Deborah Gray explains that traumatized children view the world as hostile. This perception can be manifested by hyper-alertness, helplessness in problem-solving, difficulty organizing information, aggression, dissociation, panic, oversensitivity and emotional numbing. A traumatized child may freeze and dissociate during times of anxiety or over-stimulation and give a mistaken impression of opposition or defiance.
Grief
Claudial Jewett, author of "Helping Children Cope with Separation and Loss," describes three phases of grief: early, acute and subsiding. Initially an adopted child may appear withdrawn and numb with intermittent periods of crying, panic or irritability. There may also be episodes of denial, disbelief and hyperactivity. In the second phase, the child moves from strong emotions and a longing for how things used to be into the reorganization of feelings and the ability to move on with life. In the final phase, children who are coping effectively have fewer bouts of distress and often acquire the self perception of being a survivor. Ineffective coping is demonstrated by continued signs of depression, hostility and poor self esteem.
Rejection
Adopted children often view being placed for adoption by their birth families as rejection, according to Trish Maskew, author of "Our Own: Adopting and Parenting the Older Child." Rejection can then become a dominate theme and motivator. Children may avoid conflict or struggle with perfectionism due to fears of possible rejection by their adoptive parents. Routine experiences like arguing with peers or siblings can feel like traumatic events and spark intense insecurity.
Attachment Difficulties
The absence of a stable caregiver, or the loss of a previous caregiver can make attachment and intimacy a struggle for adopted children. They may be effected by any one of the many disorders identified on the attachment disorder spectrum. In "Attaching in Adoption," Gray says a child with reactive attachment disorder may lie, steal, show a lack of conscience and reject adoptive parents' attempts to connect. At the other end of the spectrum, children with an insecure, ambivalent attachment appear to trust their adoptive parents to a degree, but continue to worry about parental permanence. Despite reassurance, these children remain anxious, excessively demanding, clingy and controlling.
Identity
Identity issues typically arise during adolescence, according to the Child Welfare Information Gateway. Normal identity development is complicated by unanswered questions about the child's birth family and the reason for adoption. If the biological family is known, there may be comparisons of the lifestyle, class, culture, education and values of the two families. Integrating the differences and simultaneously trying to develop self identity can be difficult. The process can be complicated further if a teen feels uncomfortable or guilty talking about the adoption and birth parents with the adoptive parents.
References
- Child Welfare Information Gateway: Impact of Adoption on Adopted Persons
- "Helping Children Cope with Separation and Loss"; Claudial L. Jewett; 1982
- "Attaching in Adoption"; Deborah D. Gray; 1996
- "Our Own: Adopting and Parenting the Older Child"; Trish Maskew; 1999
