Anger is a normal, healthy emotion, but it can create problems when expressed aggressively in ways like shouting, screaming or hitting others. Expressing anger in a passive-aggressive manner, such as frequently breaking promises or showing up late, can also create conflicts. Ideally, we should express ourselves assertively and get our needs met in calm, respectful ways. To help yourself manage anger, familiarize yourself with anger, know what gets you angry and learn how to be calm and assertive.
Become Familiar with Anger
Recognize when you're feeling angry. Physical signs of anger include tense muscles, clenched fists and shaking. Your voice might get louder, and your heart may pound. You could also feel emotions like resentment, anxiety or fear. Sarcastic remarks, throwing things and crying are also common. According to the American Psychological Association, "When [anger] gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems---problems at work, in your personal relationships and in the overall quality of your life."
Understand Triggers
Identify the triggers that almost always make you feel frustrated or aggravated. Everyone has certain challenging stresses, but how we deal with them is what's important. Make a list of occasions when you have felt overly angry. Traffic jams or long lines at the grocery store are common triggers. Poor customer service or teasing from family members is another common trigger for anger. Imagine ways you could react to triggers differently.
Rate Anger Levels
According to psychologist Harry Mills of Mercy Behavioral Health, "Another way you can learn about how your anger manifests itself is to get into the habit of measuring your anger." To learn how anger develops, rate your feelings on a scale of 1 to 100. Zero means you feel calm, and 100 is furious. Think back to times you were angry, and decide where your anger level fits on this scale. By doing this, you'll become aware of the point at which you're likely to lose control, so you can help yourself avoid it.
Learn Relaxation Techniques
Manage anger by learning to become more relaxed in general and especially in trigger situations. Regular exercise can help reduce stress. Relaxation classes, meditation and yoga can help you feel better and reduce anger. When you start to feel angry, take a deep breath. Breathe in slowly and deeply from your abdomen. As you breathe in, think or say things like, "I feel calm." As you exhale slowly, think or say, "Very calm." Taking a walk when you start to feel angry can also help.
Practice Assertiveness
Taking assertive action is an effective way to help manage anger. If traffic is one of your triggers, give yourself extra time or play relaxing music. If you tend to blow up at your kids in the morning, ask older kids to get up earlier or help them set out clothes and pack lunches the night before. Ask friends and family to understand your needs. For example, ask that the family respects your quiet time in the evening or your need to sleep late on a Saturday. By asserting yourself, you can lower stress and manage anger more effectively.
