Families who want to develop close, healthy and loving relationships have to start with one of the most basic building blocks--communication. Mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers, grandparents, aunts and uncles can all benefit from learning what healthy communication is and what they need to do to establish strong, healthy communication patterns.
Open Communication
Family members develop a healthy foundation when they learn to communicate with each other in an honest and open way. When conflict does arise, the family that has developed healthy communication habits can work through and resolve the issues that develop.
Communication includes the ability to listen to one another as well as speak with each other. When family members are able to listen quietly and understand everything another family member is saying--verbally and nonverbally--the chance of misunderstanding is lessened.
Communication and Family Relationships
A healthy communication pattern contributes much more to satisfaction with family relationships, according to the Virginia Cooperative Extension.
Dysfunctional or poor communication contributes more to marital problems, divorce and behavioral problems in the children. These dysfunctional communication problems include masked, in which the message being given isn't clear, and indirect, when it's not easily understood who the recipient is supposed to be. Even when communication is clear, when it's not understood who is to get the message, the person who should be getting the message may not know it's intended for him, according to the Virginia Cooperative Extension.
Characteristics of Healthy Communication
Open communication, meaning messages that flow easily and freely without fear of censorship, aids families as they work to become stronger and closer.
The families most successful in communicating with each other have not set up roles and rules that block honest communication, according to the Oakville Parent-Child Center. The healthy family does not guard destructive secrets--those who come in from outside the family unit are freely invited in.
Individual family roles make allowance for personal privacy that encourages the autonomy of individual family members and healthy emotional bonding.
Two Classes of Communication
Healthy communication patterns that allow for close emotional bonds and individual autonomy of individual family members include clear and direct communication. Messages are delivered directly and plainly from one member to the other. One example of this would be, "Sweetheart, earlier today, I asked you to change the cats' litter box after school. It hasn't been changed and I'm disappointed that you didn't do as I asked." In this example, the parent has effectively reminded her child that she gave her a task and an expectation of when this task should be completed. When she finds that her child hasn't completed the task, she lets the child know she's disappointed
Clear and indirect communication gives a clear message, but it's not clear who the message should go to. Communication that is direct and masked means that the message isn't clear, but family members know who the message is intended for. Communication that is both indirect and masked happens when the message and the recipient aren't understood, according to the Virginia Cooperative Extension.
Building Good Communication
Families who want to develop good communication should make sure they communicate directly and clearly with each other. When family members are attempting to resolve a disagreement or a problem, they need to do so clearly and directly.
Family members should strive to communicate frequently with each other--even if conversations take place in the car, this is an opportunity parents and children should take advantage of. Parents need to put their own pursuits aside for a short time in the evenings and talk to their children after dinner and at bedtime. Family members who actively listen to each other are able to pick up and understand the verbal and nonverbal messages being given to them.
Family members also need to communicate openly and honestly with each other. Watch body and facial language. When nonverbal communication conflicts what is being verbalized, family members need to get to the bottom of what's really being said.
