Grief is a universal human emotion that follows the loss of something important. The most intense grief often follows the death of a loved one, but can also follow any loss, such as the loss of a pet, job or relationship, or as a response to a serious illness or tragedy. The grief process often follows a pattern. In fact, psychiatrist Elizabeth Kübler-Ross outlined five stages of grief in 1969, which are still accepted by doctors and therapists today. Not everyone will encounter each step, and the order may vary.
Denial
The first stage for most people grieving is denial. Whether the death or other loss occurs suddenly or over a long period of time, people at first tend to deny that the loss has taken place. Friends and loved ones who offer their condolences and help sometimes serve as a reminder of the loss, and therefore, many people in denial will isolate themselves.
Once the person moves beyond denial, she will be forced to face many emotions, often including sorrow, loneliness, shame, anxiety or guilt.
Anger
Feelings of anger are an important step in grieving. Humans often feel the need to lay blame on someone in order to understand the loss. Many will feel anger toward the person who inflicted the pain of the grief, even if that person is dead. Feeling angry at a friend or family member who has died often leads to feelings of guilt, which can enhance the anger even further.
Sometimes people target this anger at themselves, feeling as though they could have or should have done something to stop the loss. They might also direct their anger at the world in general or even at God.
Bargaining
Bargaining is a tool that everyone is familiar with. Toddlers, from the time they can talk, bargain for more play time, more cookies or fewer vegetables. Those grieving also try to bargain, for instance by asking God to take away the loss in exchange for some sacrifice.
Depression
In any type of loss, feelings of profound sadness are normal. Many people cry, although the absence of crying does not mean the feelings are any less strong. Feeling numb, especially in the days immediately following the loss, is also normal.
These feeling of numbness and sadness lead to a period of depression. During this time it may be difficult to sleep, eating patterns may change and fatigue sets in. Even during the stage of depression, however, there might still be some moments of pleasure.
Acceptance
Realizing that the loss is real leads to the final step of acceptance. It is during this step that most people come to terms with all the emotions they felt. Knowing that life must go on, even though it may now be different, is important to completing this final step of the grieving process.
