1. Put it on Your Calendar
Spend quality time with elderly family members on a regular basis. In fact, make a recurring date on your calendar to take your great uncle out to lunch. Although you can't confuse quantity with quality, he may treasure a weekly lunch date more than a twice yearly fishing trip. Increasing the time you spend with an elderly person and setting a firm date gives the relative the message that he matters, and it fills his week with anticipation.
2. You, Not a Personal Assistant
If you think grandma seems a bit grumpy, look through her defenses. Elderly people can become defensive as a way to protect their self-esteem. If your relative must field constant questions about her ability to care for herself, she's bound to deflect these comments with sarcasm or a brusque manner to preserve her feelings of independence and usefulness. It's acceptable to inquire about an elderly person's well-being with sincerity and warmth, but don't assume that grandma can't fend for herself unless she tells you so. Offer to clean house or prepare a meal if that's what the relative wants, but she may value your attention and presence more than your help.
3. On the Road
Consider a special vacation that includes an elderly family member. You don't have to plan an expensive getaway; simply include your elderly relative on your next 3-day weekend trip to a friend's lake house or an in-laws' gathering. Getting there is half the fun, so use the time you spend in the car or at the airport to tell jokes, catch up on current events and trade family stories.
4. Learn a New Hobby
You might wonder how to entertain an elderly relative during your visit, but have you thought about the skills and knowledge your relative can share with you? Few people attain old age without accumulating a wealth of hobbies and skills. Your grandma's eyesight may be failing, but that can't stop her from showing you the finer points of making the perfect pound cake from scratch.
5. Reminisce
Break out the photo albums on your next visit with an older relative. Looking at photographs of your relatives from decades ago can spark hours of conversation rich with family history and meaning. Photo albums were simple in the pre-scrap-booking days, so with your relative's help, perhaps you can organize old family photos into a chronology with a narrative that only an elder in the family can provide.
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