Sibling rivalry is common in families. Each child possesses his or her own personality and individual temperament; differences among siblings are bound to result in conflict on occasion. In his book "The Power of Positive Parenting," Dr. Glenn Latham reassures parents that sibling conflict proves more annoying than dangerous. As long as it does not get out of hand, most children will eventually outgrow it. However, if sibling conflict becomes a constant source of contention in your family, you can minimize it by employing a few key behavioral strategies.
Selective Ignorance
Ignoring inappropriate behavior proves a more effective behavioral technique than parents may realize. Arguments among siblings are normal; it is not necessary for parents to intervene every time. In fact, parental involvement in sibling conflict may prove counterproductive. Children repeat the behaviors that receive attention, even if the attention proves negative. For that reason, simply ignoring the bad behavior remains a more effective approach than scolding your children. According to the Child Development Institute's website, as long as the argument does not deteriorate into cruelty or violence, parents should allow their children to work out their own problems as often as possible.
Appropriate Praise
Praising positive behavior is an important behavioral strategy in reducing sibling conflict. Latham says, "The single best way to bring sibling rivalry into tolerable limits is to pay attention to children when they are not engaged in sibling rivalry." Children learn quickly what behaviors will get them attention. They will repeat the behaviors that earn them the praise and admiration of their parents. Recognizing good behavior and complimenting your children for it can reduce tension between brothers and sisters and improve the overall mood of your home.
Role Modeling
Monitoring your own behavior is a powerful strategy in eliminating conflicts caused by sibling rivalry. Your children will model their own behavior after what they observe from you. Specifically, your kids will learn how to resolve conflicts with brothers and sisters based on your example. According to the Kids Health website, your children are more likely to employ positive coping techniques such as respectful listening and compromise if you and your spouse use those are the strategies to resolve your own conflicts. Teach your children to negotiate a problem by remaining calm and approachable and working together to find a resolution.
Prevention
Parents can help prevent squabbling among kids by establishing ground rules for sharing, advises the Kids Health website. For example, if your children argue frequently over television or computer privileges, establishing a schedule for taking turns and imposing time limits per turn can reduce the frequency of disputes. Other prevention strategies include providing each child with a space of their own, giving each child one-on-one time and attention and respecting individuality. Each of your children wants to be recognized and valued as their own person. Do not compare your kids to one another.
References
- Child Development Institute: Handling Sibling Rivalry
- "The Power of Positive Parenting"; Dr. Glenn I. Latham; 1990
- Kids Health: Sibling Rivalry
