When a two-year-old grabs a candy bar from the store shelf, you might smile sympathetically as his mom tries to stop him. When you see a 13-year-old doing the same thing, you react very differently. You expect your child's behavior to change as she grows, but sometimes drawing a line between acceptable and problem behavior can be tricky. As she grows up, you will want to know when and how to step in to help her understand what you expect of her.
Identification
Your child will often delight you, from his first smile to the time he buys you a birthday gift from money he earned himself. You may be horrified, though, when your toddler throws herself on the floor and screams, or clashes with you over food, becoming a picky eater. Perhaps she hits or kicks other children.
Your older child may become disobedient or tell lies as he tests out his parents and teachers. He may compete too hard and cheat at games. Maybe he will get aggressive and bite or kick other children. This is all very common behavior.
Significance
According to Healthy Children, child behaviors fall into one of three categories.
If your child helps around the house and is kind to his little brother, you will want to encourage him to continue.
If he feels under stress, for example when a new baby sister arrives, he may go back to baby talk or acting like a much younger child for a while.
Some behavior, though, is just not acceptable. You will not tolerate illegal, prejudiced, aggressive or destructive activities from a child old enough to understand what she is doing or saying. You will want to be quick and firm to stop her doing anything harmful to herself or to others.
Features
According to FamilyDoctor.org, you need to understand how your child's development affects his behavior. As language skills, physical development and social and emotional abilities develop, his behavior changes. A tiny baby cannot control her own actions. From 12 months onward she becomes more independent and learns to say no. You may be faced by toddler tantrums at this time. According to Healthy Children, this is a common response to frustration as she can't yet explain what she feels in words.
From four years onward your child starts to understand that other people can see and feel things differently from him. Until then he may not understand that hitting other children hurts them.
Expert Insight
When your child does something undesirable, stop and think for a moment. According to FamilyDoctor.org, you need to decide whether you want to stop it by punishing or ignoring it, or whether you will introduce and encourage a different action instead.
Often you can change bad behavior by ignoring it, though this can take a while to work. You can stop something right away by using the time-out method, where you put your child somewhere safe but alone for a while. Remember to offer rewards for good behavior: an extra hour at bedtime or a small treat can work wonders.
Considerations
If your child has a long-term health condition, such as delayed development, autism, attention-deficit and hyperactivity disorder or Tourette's syndrome, you may find that her behavior falls outside the boundaries you can accept. Your health care provider will be able to advise you about ways you can help your child.
Warning
According to FamilyDoctor.org, you may be tempted to use a physical punishment to stop your child from doing something unacceptable. Spanking may stop her in her tracks for the moment, but it will not help her to change her behavior in the long term. It may teach her to become aggressive herself and could even escalate into child abuse.
Do not struggle alone if you are worried about your child's behavior. Consult your pediatrician for help and avoid long-term problems.
