The death of a spouse is a painful experience for the survivor, and the grieving process might be drawn-out and extensive. The five stages of grieving, a theory introduced by psychologist Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, are experienced by everyone close to the deceased, but they are even more acute for the surviving spouse. If your spouse has died, allow yourself plenty of time to grieve for your loved one, and follow the stages of grief to gauge the process immediately after the death.
Feeling Denial
Denial is the first step in the grieving process. If you lose your spouse, you might feel the denial even before the death. The thought that it will stop if you don't acknowledge what is happening is a misguided feeling. Denial keeps you from accepting reality, but it does have a purpose. It can help soften the blow of an untimely death and give you extra time to work through your feelings of grief. Mental Health America suggests vocalizing your feelings to someone you trust so you can work through your feelings of denial.
Experiencing Anger
The next phase of the grief process is anger. It can make you feel upset and withdrawn from the rest of the world. You might look for ways to place blame on the people who cared for your spouse during her final hours, or anger toward the person who might have caused her death. Remember that anger is a completely natural part of the healing process, and you shouldn't feel ashamed of your anger. Instead, find a healthy outlet for it--through physical activity, therapy or art.
Bargaining Chip
If you believe in a higher power, you might find yourself "bargaining" with that power, trying to lighten your own grief. Through bargaining, you might make "deals" with a higher power or yourself, stipulating that if you do one action, the grief of losing your spouse might be taken away, or that he can somehow be brought back. During the bargaining phase, the AARP recommends that you take control of your feelings, reminding yourself that you have the ability to cope.
Suffering Depression
Depression is the next stage. Through depression, you might find yourself feeling lost, sad and hurt, and withdrawing from the things you and your spouse used to enjoy together. Remember that your spouse would want you to live a full and happy life following her death. Find new hobbies you can enjoy, and see other people if you feel up to it, suggests the National Institute on Aging, and stop feelings of loneliness by getting out of your home and starting your new life.
Accepting and Moving On
Acceptance comes when you finally come to the conclusion that your spouse is gone. You will always have memories, strong feelings and occasional sadness stemming from the death, but you know that you can move on with your life. Once you begin to accept the turn of events in your spouse's death, it's a good time to rewrite your will, go through old belongings and talk to your insurance agent about changes in policy, says the National Institute on Aging. Then you'll be ready to look forward to the future.
