In order to be a good friend, spouse or employee, you must have effective listening skills. One of the most important communication skills you can learn is active listening. Therapists and counselors spend large quantities of time learning and improving this skill in order to develop positive relationships with their clients because of its importance. Listening skills can improve your relationships and increase your success at work.
Paying Attention
If you want to be an active listener, you must pay attention to what the other person is saying. Check in with yourself periodically; if you find that you're nodding off or distracted, refocus your attention. If you're already planning what you're going to say in response, you're not listening or paying attention. Let the person finish speaking before you make judgments or respond.
Listen to the other person as you would want to be listened to. If you're talking to your friend about something upsetting, you expect for her to care and listen to your concerns. You might want her to offer some advice or just hear what you have to say. When other people interrupt you, you probably feel as if they aren't listening or paying attention. Watch how others respond to you and mimic the behaviors that you like.
Nonverbal Communication
People can show that they're listening or that they're distracted through nonverbal communication, according to Helpguide.org. If you're talking to your spouse about an argument that she had with her friend, you want to show her that you care. She can tell you are not listening if you don't make eye contact, fidget or look at your watch. If you want to improve your nonverbal communication, occasionally nod, sit up straight and smile to encourage the speaker.
Feedback
People want to be heard, and part of listening in a relationship is giving the other person feedback. This doesn't mean you have to provide advice or give your opinion. Repeat what the person has said in your own words. For instance, if your friend tells you he isn't getting along with a coworker, has to work long hours every day and feels drained when he gets home, you could respond by saying, "It sounds as though you're stressed and overwhelmed." With that one short statement, your friend will understand that you listened and care. If he asks for advice, give it, but just let him vent before telling him how to fix his situation. Many times, that's all it takes to make the other person feel better.
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