Psychiatrist Elizabeth Kubler-Ross identified the five stages of grief and loss in her 1969 book, "On Death and Dying". Whether the loss is death, or loss of a friend or family member through estrangement, loss of a job or loss of a dream, most people experiences these stages as they work through their loss. People who successfully move through all five stages adapt the best to loss, according to Kubler-Ross and others who have followed in her research footsteps. People who get stuck on one of the first four stages may have trouble and need help to move on.
Denial and Isolation
People may handle the first shock of loss with denial. This can be a coping mechanism to lessen the blow of the hurt. People who've been told they have a terminal illness may refuse to believe it. Or family members may refuse to talk about a death. Along with denial, the person experiencing loss may feel isolated and cut off from others. They may feel that no one else has ever experienced the kind of pain they feel.
Anger
Anger can take the form of anger at the person you've lost--even if they have died-- anger at others or the world for allowing the loss to happen or anger at yourself for not doing more to stop the loss, even if there was nothing you could have done to prevent it. Anger can become particularly painful for the person suffering and for those around him. According to Kubler-Ross, the anger may become repressed and manifest in other ways, such as excessive guilt.
Bargaining
Bargaining may take the form of bargaining with God, or even superstitions. The person may believe that if they can just do this or that and everything will be all right again. A person who has lost a job may try to bargain a way to keep the job. Or someone may try to bargain their way back into the life of an estranged spouse.
Depression
As the reality of the loss sinks in, profound sadness may overwhelm the person. They may not want to eat or sleep and every day feels like a trial. They may feel they can never feel happy again without the person or thing they have lost. Depression is normal, but if it interferes with daily life or becomes severe, sufferers may want to consult a professional about medication or counseling to help them through this phase.
Acceptance
The person accepts the loss and moves on with their loss. They become able to carry out the activities of daily life and find pleasure and happiness in spite of their loss.
References
- "On Death and Dying;" Elizabeth Kubler-Ross; 1969
- University of Pennsylvania: Stages of Grief
