Grief is defined as deep mental anguish caused by the loss of a loved one. It cannot be healed in a moment; recovery from grief proceeds through five distinct stages. You can speed the process of recovery from grief by becoming more aware of where you are in the grief recovery process.
Facing Denial
Denial is often characterized not by verbal denials of the occurrence of a tragic event, but more so by emotional shock and numbness. The mind refuses to accept what has happened because the magnitude of the loss is overwhelming. Denial is a healthy coping response. It is the mind's way of handling a great loss by processing it in bits and pieces.
Dealing With Anger
As denial fades, you will begin to experience all the emotions that you were denying in the first place. These emotions are layered, and anger is usually the first layer because it is more easily managed than other emotions. You may look for someone to blame and become upset with your loved ones, life in general or God. It is important at this stage to resist the temptation to lash out at loved ones.
The Bargaining Response
Once anger is resolved, you will have to deal with the pain that lies beneath the anger. Because this is such a difficult task, you may try to bargain your way out of the inevitable suffering. You may bargain with God to allow a terminally ill spouse to live, or after a loss you may feel that if you dedicate your life to helping others, the pain will go away. Guilt, personal recriminations and a focus on the time before the loss occurred are common at this stage.
The Depression Phase
Once you abandon the conscious or unconscious attempt to bargain your way out of a tragic event that has already occurred, your focus will switch to the present. It is at this point that your mind is prepared to accept the full force of your loss. Feelings of profound emptiness and hopelessness are common at this stage. This is a normal and natural response to a devastating loss.
Accepting Your Loss
Acceptance is the last stage of grieving. Acceptance means fully facing the reality of the magnitude and permanent nature of your loss. Although you will learn to live with your loss, you will never be quite OK with it. Your moods will return to normal and you may find great happiness, but your loss will remain. When you start feeling better, it is important to resist the temptation to treat happy feelings as a betrayal of the memory of your loved one.
