The five steps of grieving were suggested in psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross's book "On Death and Dying" in 1973. Since then she has gone into deeper detail on the steps in another book, "On Grief and Grieving." Dr. Kubler-Ross contends that for each grief situation the individual undergoes five steps through the process. If you are experiencing grief because of the death of someone close, the five steps of grieving can help you gauge the process and begin to heal.
Denial
Denial occurs when you first hear news of the loss that initially causes your grief. Through denial you express a disbelief that it could happen. The U.S. National Library of Medicine says that denial can also occur with numbness to the event. The length of this stage is different for each individual. For some, it may only last a few moments. For others, it can last days or weeks, until you are ready to move onto the next stage.
Anger
Anger begins when you start thinking about the event, if it could have been prevented and how it affected you. If you've lost someone, you might be angry with the person involved in the death, whether it's a careless driver or a competent doctor. You might even become angry with yourself for not finding a way to prevent it, suggests information published on memorialhospital.org. You might experience a feeling of being singled out and question why the loss happened to you.
Bargaining
You might begin bargaining as a gateway to depression and desperation. The pain is felt so acutely that you make a deal with a higher power or yourself to be a better person, try harder, or complete some other task in order for the loss or the pain of loss to dissolve, notes the University of Pennsylvania Health System. If the death has not yet occurred but is inevitable, you may find yourself looking for ways to "fix" the problem in exchange for health by seeing other doctors, getting another opinion or being nicer to the person who is dying.
Depression
Once you realize that no amount of bargaining or pleading will remove the loss, you may descend into a feeling of depression for your loss. PsychCentral.com notes that there are two forms of grief-related depression. The first stems from the practical feelings of loss associated with the grief, like paying for the funeral or dealing with medical professionals. The second type of depression relates to your feelings when you are alone and processing your grief; this depression may last much longer.
Acceptance
After experiencing the full range of emotions associated with grief, you eventually come to the acceptance of what has taken place. You might feel better knowing your loved one is in a "better place" or realize that the death was inevitable and you couldn't do anything to stop it. Acceptance means you're finally ready to move on, says HelpGuide.org; you can resume your life. You are still mourning but are no longer feeling the piercing grief you did at first.
References
- On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Grief: Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, M.D., David Kessler,2005
- Memorial Hospital: The Stages of Grief
- Medline Plus: Grief
- University of Pennsylvania: Stages of Grief
- PsychCentral.com: The 5 Stages of Loss and Grief
