Getting a divorce is a monumental event in a person's life. Gone are the dreams of being half of a united couple, and now you face a future of uncertainty. Regardless of who filed for the divorce, it's not easy on either party. Grief is normal during a divorce, and there are certain experiences common during this process, according to Susan Peace Gadoua, LCSW, in "the Grief Progression," an article in Divorce Magazine. These stages are based on those first developed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross to describe the process of grieving a death or severe trauma.
Denial
The first phase of grief during a divorce is generally denial. You can't believe that this is actually happening and that everything will be better---just like it was before divorce was even mentioned. It's all a huge mistake or misunderstanding and it can be worked out. Perhaps you blame it on mood or another person. Denial is a normal reaction during the grieving processes, according to Divorceinfo.com
Anger and Resentment
After you pull out of the denial phase and accept that the divorce will probably happen, you're likely to feel angry and resentful. You want to do whatever it takes to hurt the other person, so you gear up to fight the person in divorce court. According to Helpguide.org, anger is a normal feeling, and it's okay to experience it during the process. When you experience these resentful feelings, it's a good idea to rely on friends and family for emotional support.
Bargaining
Once you deal with your anger and find a way to get past the intensity of the resentment, you are likely to start thinking about bargaining with the other person. This may involve expressing a willingness to fix all the problems in the relationship or making the other person feel that he's making a huge mistake. It is more of a form of desperation to do whatever it takes to make the marriage work.
Depression
The depression that follows is understandable because so many things are lost when the marriage turns sour. All the experiences you shared and the dreams that will never come true may wash over you and bring you to a depressed emotional state. You are likely to feel insignificant and unimportant because, after all, if your spouse doesn't want you anymore, no one else will either. You may cry at a hint of a memory or during the first sound of a song that reminds you of your spouse. This feeling of depression is normal and will eventually give way to the next stage.
Acceptance
Even if the divorce wasn't your idea, you ultimately accept the fact that it will happen and that you'll survive. You brace yourself to face family, friends and coworkers. You may fall back into one of the earlier stages, and this is normal, but you know that the reality is that the marriage is over. Now it's time to move on.
