Feelings of grief usually accompany any major loss, whether due to the death of a loved one, a career change or the end of a significant relationship. Elisabeth-Kubler Ross was a Swiss-born psychiatrist who pioneered work on grief and bereavement in the 20th century. Her book "On Death and Dying" first proposed the five stages of grief and loss: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
Denial
Whether a loved one has just died, you've been diagnosed with a serious illness or you've recently lost your job, chances are that your first response will be denial. You may refuse to believe what has happened, and for a time, you might convince yourself that everything is just as it was before. You might go about your regular daily routine, trying to block out the reality of what has happened. During this time, you may feel like withdrawing or avoiding people you normally associate with. According to Cancersurvivors.org, you may say things such as, "I can't believe this is happening to me."
Anger
According to Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, when you can no longer continue to deny what has happened, you will replace this with feelings of rage, anger, envy and resentment. You're angry that this has happened to you and you're furious that you have little or no control over the situation. You may find yourself saying, "Why me?"
Bargaining
In this stage, you've experienced the feelings of rage and anger and you now try to make some sort of agreement with God or the universe to prevent what has happened or to make a loved one return. On a certain level, you know this is illogical, but you try it anyway in the hope that something will magically work to prevent the situation from occurring. You may make deals in your mind, saying "I'll promise to be a better person if this doesn't happen." Kubler-Ross defines this stage as an attempt to postpone the inevitable.
Depression
You've realized that your attempts at bargaining have failed, and you've entered the stage of depression. When you can no longer maintain the feelings of anger and you realize that the inevitable is bound to happen, you may feel a profound sense of sadness. You may find yourself crying uncontrollably, and you may feel like sleeping all the time. You might feel a complete loss of appetite or interest in activities that used to give you pleasure.
Acceptance
According to Kubler-Ross, with enough time, most people will reach a phase of acceptance. If you've had adequate opportunity to experience the preceding stages, you no longer feel angry or depressed, and you accept the outcome of the situation. Cancersurvivors.org article on the stages of grief states that you may feel as though you're ready for whatever may come.
References
- "On Death and Dying"; Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, MD; 1997
- Cancersurvivors.org: Stages of Grief
