Family communication can be one of those matters that gets taken for granted for years and suddenly becomes an issue when kids become teenagers. A Search Institute survey found that 47 percent of sixth graders report positive communication in their own families, while only 22 percent of teenagers do. Things can go more smoothly when you understand the issues that can interfere with effective communication.
Sex talk
Unfortunately, movies and television have made so much of "The Talk" parents are supposed to have with their kids about sex that what should be a perfectly normal and valuable conversation now is full of awkwardness and hangups. Sex and the changes kids go through during adolescence should be part of many conversations, some short and some long, over a period of several years. If puberty and sex are natural components of life, then treat them that way, just as you would topics like nutrition, sleep and hygiene.
Judging
Better communication requires an understanding that one party will not be especially judgmental about information or feelings shared by the other party. Kids don't want to hear harsh indictments of their friends by worried parents, and parents don't want their children forming opinions about family issues without having all the facts or the perspective that comes with age. To avoid problems, use phrases like, "Help me understand..." or "It bothers me when you say..." and try not to be judgmental.
Drugs and Alcohol
Like sex, conversations about drugs and alcohol can be uncomfortable for some families, often because parents can get very preachy and absolute in their thinking. The key here, as with other sensitive topics, is to encourage your children to ask questions. Let them know you want them to be informed and that you have confidence in their abilities to make good choices.
Timing
As in any relationship, sometimes the people involved aren't all ready to talk at the same time. Just as parents should appreciate kids respecting their elders' need to process information before communicating, it's important that kids get time to work through issues in their head before sharing their thoughts verbally. But if one person truly needs to get something important out on the table, everyone involved should be ready to make an exception and deal with the matter at hand.
