Help Your Children Reach Their Natural Potential

"Results Happen Naturally When Motivation is Pure." That single sentence captures the most important lesson I learned while competing as a professional triathlete for nine years. When motivation is pure, I trained and competed with great joy and a fearless disposition, ideal attributes to enjoy the “zone” experience of peak performance. In contrast, what we see often in the modern world are motivations that are impure – an obsession with superficial results from a culture that measures and judges everyone by superficial accomplishments and appearances. As I learned, an athlete who embodies these traits commonly gets torched by the competition.

As a child and now as a parent, I have seen many examples of impure motivations from parents. Most parents would not mind if their kids were a superstar athletes or high school valedictorians. It’s great to support, encourage and facilitate your child’s pursuit of excellence in sports, school, music, art or other endeavors. However, there is a line that must not be crossed or negative consequences will result. The successful people I have met have shared certain qualities. Chief among them is a pure love for their activity and a team of unconditional supporters - coaches, parents, siblings, peers and other positive role models.

The important thing is for your kid to enjoy the experience of their lives and for you to help them achieve what my wife calls their "natural potential." If your kid is destined to be a superstar athlete, Ivy league student, award-winning actor, or political leader, this path will run its course with your support. If you pay attention, you will notice signs along the way (for example, "Are they having fun yet?" "Are they scoring at will against the opposition?") and respond appropriately, nurturing the child’s dream as expressed in their own words and at their own pace.

When I entered high school and was quickly cut from the basketball team, I found myself on the cross-country running team. While a naturally talented runner, I lacked passion for this difficult sport. When the team departed campus for our daily distance runs, I would duck in the gas station bathroom a quarter-mile from school, wait till everyone passed and then head home to jump on the trampoline or shoot baskets. I was not subject to ridicule or punishment from my parents nor pressured by a militant coach (not that they knew anyway!). Instead I took the freedom to find my own way in a new high school and let things play out naturally.

Two years later, I was the 12th ranked 1500 meter runner, for my age group, in America, competing in the National Junior Olympics in Lincoln, Nebraska. The switch came for me, and I became a driven, competitive distance runner, pursuing my natural potential with passion and unconditional support. Sure, I was greatly assisted by positive forces in my environment, but I was the one who flipped the switch and decided to apply myself.

If you pay attention only to your own signs and ego demands and project your dreams into your children’s lives, you probably will suffer disappointment, distress and a fractured relationship with your child. Forcing, criticizing and pushing children to achieve is impure, ill-advised and ineffective by any reasonable definition of success – which must include intangibles like happiness and enjoyment of the process.

Kids must learn many lessons in their lives. Some valuable lessons are learned when kids persevere under extreme competitive circumstances. Equally valuable lessons can be learned when kids decide to quit something they don’t like. With academics, there is enough culture pressure to excel and make money that parents might be better served to encourage open exploration of learning passions instead of keeping kids’ toes on the linear path with high GPA's.

Hopefully gaining an understanding of natural potential and pure motivation will help parents relax and enjoy the experience of their children growing up. With a supportive, low-pressure approach, maybe the switchboard can light up for more kids in more areas, and we can all realize the highest expression of our talents as parents and kids and as role models for others.