Divorce is a difficult time in anyone's life, and can bring out stubborn, irrational behavior from even the most cordial person. The process can be lengthy and frustrating, especially when children and custody issues are involved, but both parties can take steps to ensure the divorce moves as quickly as possible and achieves a fair result for both sides. According to a study conducted at Yale University School of Medicine, only 12 percent of divorcing parents ended the process with positive expectations. But following some reasonable guidelines can help you join that minority.
Step 1
Get organized. You will need copies of all your financial information, including deeds and titles to all marital property and assets. Copy tax returns, bank statements and credit card information kept them a well-organized file. The more information you have at the beginning, the faster things will go. If you came into the marriage with funds or assets, include documentation to show what was yours from the beginning.
Step 2
Find a lawyer you trust. Not only will a lawyer move your divorce swiftly through the proper legal channels, but he will offer invaluable advice about what you should and should not fight for. While this is likely your first experience as a party in a divorce, a lawyer has seen hundreds of cases just like yours, and will be able to give you clarity and guidance throughout this muddled time.
Step 3
Discuss your intentions honestly with your spouse. Express that finding a lawyer is an act of goodwill, and that you hope to keep your personal resentment out of the divorce in hopes that you both can be satisfied with the result. If you have children, make a point of setting ground rules about when to discuss the divorce and how to keep the children from feeling as though they're in the middle.
Step 4
Think about what you expect from the divorce, and let your thoughts settle for a few days. Revisit your original demands and ask yourself if you are being as reasonable as you can be. Try to set your anger aside and consider your spouse's point of view. The more reasonable you both can be early on the faster your divorce will be finalized, and the easier it will be to heal and move on.
Step 5
Discuss your expectations with your lawyer, and leave the negotiating to the attorneys. While it may be necessary to sit down with your spouse and your lawyers at some point, the more your attorney can handle without you the faster and easier it will be. Avoiding face-to-face fights with your spouse will help keep tempers at bay and facilitate a quick and just settlement.
Step 6
Be patient. Even with the most agreeable spouse and talented lawyer, legal affairs take time. Disputes over property, assets and especially custody can add weeks or months to the process, and there is little you can do to expedite things. Remember, you cannot control your spouse, but you can control your actions, and staying as calm and reasonable as possible will help move things along, even if they seem to be progressing at a glacial pace.
Things You'll Need
- Tax returns
- Bank statements
- Credit card information
- Deeds or titles for any marital assets
- Lawyer
