People tend to experience many of the same emotions when grieving a death. Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross identified five key emotional grieving stages that people tend to experience. Although not everyone goes through each stage in exactly the same order, or stay in a stage for the same amount of time, most seem to experience these stages, or some semblance of these stages.
Denial Stage
Denial tends to be the first stage experienced when dealing with death. According to the text "Health" by Jerrold Greenberg and Robert Gold, professors from the University of Maryland, denial acts as a buffer to give the individual a chance to think about and process the situation. In a sense, by denying the facts of the situation, it is as if it never occurred. Common responses in this stage could be "not me" or "this can't be true." In addition, former health educators Don and Mary Merki, in their text, "Health: A Guide to Wellness," suggest that this stage is sometimes called the "not me" stage because of the common responses heard. Talking with a professional can help deal with the feelings associated with denial. Seeking more information can also help.
Anger Stage
The anger stage is referred to as the "why me" stage, according to the Merkis. Initial feelings of denial give way to feelings of anger and resentment as people see themselves as a victim, or as Greenberg puts it, that they are being treated unfairly. Recommendations for coping with this stage are finding positive outlets for possible expressions of anger or talking to someone who can help deal with the flood of emotion.
Bargaining Stage
The bargaining stage can typically be summed up by "if/then" statements. These statements are used as a way of trading or bargaining for a certain result while promising something in return. For example, one could bargain, "If you let them live, then I promise I will be a good person." The bargain is usually aimed at a higher power, depending on personal beliefs, but always seems to ask the same basics, a different outcome or result for a different trade-off or bargain. Talking with someone or seeking help can help the realization of the situation take hold and help you understand that no bargains can change the outcome.
Depression Stage
Depression represents the fourth stage Kubler-Ross identified. At this point, it seems that you realize that this situation is in fact happening because denial no longer works, and bargaining isn't helping. Depression can set in when you begin to feel alone or isolated and actually begin to feel sorry for yourself. It is important to help those in this stage understand that they are not alone, and that although the situation may not be changeable, there is help out there to deal with it. Listening to depressed individuals is a key step in helping them to move on.
Acceptance Stage
The final stage identified is acceptance. At this point, the situation has been accepted for what it is and what the reality of the outcome may be. Here, focus can shift from wasteful worry to a more positive way of coping with reality. Certain issues that are related to the situation can be dealt with, such as personal wishes, financial matters, or relationships with others.
References
- "Health"; Jerrold Greenberg, ED.D and Robert Gold, PhD; Holt 1994
- "Health: A Guide to Wellness"; Mary Merki, Ph.D. and Don Merki, Ph.D.; McGraw Hill 1996
- "Health"; B.E. Pruitt, John Allegrante, and Deborah Prothrow-Stith; Prentice Hall 2007
