Everyone goes through some type of grieving process after a loss, no matter what their age. Kids may suffer losses like the death of a family member, friend or pet; loss of a parent through divorce or a move that takes them away from a familiar neighborhood, school and friends. This triggers certain grief stages. You can help a child through them if you know how to recognize each stage.
Denial
The California SIDS Program (CPS) identifies denial as the typical first stage of grief for kids. Your child may show a lack of concern about the loss. This is self-protective as it shields her from the grief. Younger kids may treat the loss in a matter-of-fact way. For example, if the loss was a death, they might incorporate the situation into their play by re-enacting the funeral or pretending to be talking to or playing with the dead person or pet. A child who doesn't move out of denial should be encourage to talk about her feelings, CPS advises. It's okay to draw her out to the point where she cries because that leads into the next stage of going through natural emotions.
Sadness and Anger
Kids may have a variety of feelings once they admit there has been a loss, but sadness and anger are the two most common. This can lead to acting out, which should be handled by encouraging the child to use words to express his feelings. Let him cry when he needs to do so. Hug him and give him plenty of reassurance that it's okay to let feelings out and that it is natural to miss someone and to be angry that someone or something is gone. Anger may come out at the person or pet who is gone for abandoning him, at you for making the child move or for going through a divorce or in some other way that seeks a place to lay the blame. Let the child talk out the feelings and answer his questions honestly.
Acceptance
Kids will eventually accept a loss if they are allowed to work through their grief, according to CPS. They eventually become less preoccupied by the loss and lose their need to express their feelings about it. You can help this process by guiding your child to find a way to honor the loss. For example, if she has lost a grandparent you can help her create a special photo album as a tribute to happy times she spent with Grandma or Grandpa. She can make and place a marker on a pet's grave. Acceptance comes naturally for some losses. For example, after a move, a kid will generally make new friends and settle down into a new home and school.
