Spousal abuse, which includes verbal, psychological and sometimes physical components, can be difficult to recognize. In cases of verbal and psychological abuse, there may be no outward markers to indicate a problem, but that does not mean abuse is not occurring. If you suspect that a friend or relative has an abusive husband, or if you're a wife suffering from abuse, seek help immediately.
For Wives
Recognizing symptoms of abusive behavior in your husband may save your life. Statistics from the United States Department of Justice show that intimate partners committed 22.9 percent of all violent crimes against women in 2007. The Federal Bureau of Investigation's Uniform Crime Reporting Program found that 34.7 percent of females murdered in 2008 were killed by their partners. If you are in an abusive relationship, it is imperative that you recognize the situation and protect yourself.
Abusive behavior includes physical acts such as slapping, punching or choking. It also includes withholding food and health care or forcing a partner to engage in sexual activities against her will. An abusive husband may try to control your life by limiting your access to friends or family. He may be excessively jealous or forbid you from working or spending money. Making threats against himself, you, your children or your pets is common. A quick, intense temper that frightens you is also indication of a problem. A verbally abusive husband criticizes or humiliates you. He makes you feel helpless, calls you names, and belittles you and your accomplishments.
In addition to examining your husband's behavior, examine your own feelings and reactions. If you fear your husband, feel helpless and like you cannot do anything right or think that you deserve poor treatment, get help. These are all symptoms that you have an abusive partner.
For Friends and Relatives
Recognizing symptoms of an abusive husband in the life of a friend, family member or coworker is tricky. Since observing the husband is not always possible, you must instead examine the wife's behavior for signs of abuse. Because abuse isn't just physical, it is important not to rely solely on the presence or absence of injuries as proof.
Look for sudden changes in the wife's behavior. Becoming secretive, refusing to spend time with you, or acting fearful of her husband are all symptoms of possible abuse. Watch for indications that the woman's husband constantly checks up on her. She may make excuses for her husband's behavior or become reluctant to discuss him when questioned. Another symptom of an abusive husband is an increased amount of chronic health conditions in the wife. Abused women often develop eating disorders, depression and gastrointestinal issues.
If you suspect abuse, be sensitive to the woman's needs. Listen to her without judging. Don't place blame on her, and offer to help if you can.
For Husbands
Coming to terms with your own abusive behavior is the first step in getting help. If you feel the constant need to control, manipulate or belittle your partner, you have a problem. Feelings of intense anger or jealousy are common traits in abusers. Using physical force against your wife, threatening her, or blaming her for situations out of her control are all indications that you are abusive.
References
- Bureau of Justice Statistics: Criminal Victimization in the United States, 2007 (PDF)
- Federal Bureau of Investigation: Expanded Homicide Data 2008
- "The Lancet"; Violence Against Women II: Health Consequences of Intimate Partner Violence; Jacquelyn C. Campbell, PhD; April 2002 (PDF)
- The National Domestic Violence Hotline: Is This Abuse?
- HelpGuide.org: Domestic Violence and Abuse
