Children's temperaments and genders often lead to varying degrees of aggressive behaviors as they enter their school years. While most children outgrow these behaviors by fourth grade---according to Karen DeBord, a development specialist at the University of North Carolina Department of Family and Consumer Sciences---others need help and guidance learning the self-control and anger management skills necessary to effectively control their aggressive urges.
Significance
While a certain amount of anger and aggression can prove helpful for children if they can channel the feelings and use them in a positive way, according to R.N. Kyla Boyse of the University of Michigan, too much anger---especially if it hurts other people---might indicate an emotional problem that needs professional intervention.
Considerations
Somewhere between 1st and 3rd grade, most children develop the self-control to avoid hitting or striking their peers while at school, according to DeBord. Angry outbursts, including door slamming, foot stomping and physical aggression towards siblings, often continue to occur at home, but children of this age rarely act aggressively in public. Occasional physical altercations can and do occur, especially among 4th to 9th grade boys, but these incidents tend to happen rarely and usually as a reaction to some type of specific incident.
Misconceptions
While older elementary and middle school--age girls might not physically act out aggression, they also demonstrate aggression and anger. Girls often shun classmates, humiliate peers or ostracize and defame them. According to Rachel Simmons, author of "Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls," this type of nonphysical relational aggression often goes unnoticed by parents and teachers, yet leads to many hurt feelings and difficulties among the victims of the bullying.
Prevention/Solution
You should practice consistent, firm discipline when reacting to your child's aggressive acts, and manipulate their environment to help them avoid situations that might provoke their aggression. If your child experiences problems with another child or group of children, you can ask the teacher about changing the seating chart to separate your child from the group. You should also model calm reactions to anger-provoking situations and offer your child affection even when he misbehaves. In her article "The Angry Child," clinical psychologist Luleen S. Anderson suggests using humor to lighten the mood and to prevent your child's angry outbursts, however, she also cautions to always avoid using ridicule or sarcasm on your child.
Warning
If your school-aged child regularly has temper tantrums or if he hurts other people or appears "out-of-control," it is important to talk to your doctor. You should avoid spanking or hitting your aggressive child; a University of Michigan analysis of 100 years of research into this area indicates that this often leads to increasingly defiant and aggressive children.
References
- Developmental Behavioral Pediatrics Online: The Angry Child
- North Carolina Cooperative Extension Service: Childhood Aggression: Where does it come from? How can it be managed?
- Infant/Toddler Training Child Development Center of Utah: Anger and Aggression in Young Children Causes
- University of Michigan Health System: Behavior Problems
- "Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls"; Rachel Simmons; 2002
