Grief and grieving is an emotion of loss everyone experiences at some point and must be dealt with on an individual level. An expected loss may only take a short recovery period; a sudden or tragic loss may take longer. Grieving tends to be unpredictable and can last from days to years depending on the circumstances. Recognizing the five steps of grieving can help the process or provide awareness when the process becomes out of control and professional help is needed.
Denial
Denial is the first step of grieving. Disbelief overcomes the person grieving, who withdraws from his normal environment and finds himself in a more surreal situation. This stage may last only a few moments or take much longer, depending on the circumstances. Also considered a state of shock, this stage helps the person grieving survive the loss and cope with a flood of emotions gradually over time.
Anger
In the second stage, denial moves to anger. The person grieving has accepted the loss but blames herself or others for letting the event happen, even if it could not have been avoided. This stage of grief causes the most pain and may cause the deepest and most permanent wounds. Anger is the emotion most people have experience dealing with and masks other emotions such as desertion, abandonment and pain.
Bargaining
Anger turns to bargaining with God or other perceived higher power. The person grieving asks, "If I do this, will you bring back my loss?" Anger may still be present and directed at God when the bargaining is unsuccessful. A temporary truce is formed with the hope that life before the loss will be restored. Bargaining may also be used to negotiate out of the pain.
Depression
Depression follows bargaining, and sadness overcomes the one grieving. He feels numb and withdrawn even though anger may persist. At this stage, depression is a normal and appropriate response and not something to "snap out of" or the beginning of mental illness. A deeper level of empty feeling enters into the mind and may take a long time to understand.
Acceptance
Acceptance is the time when the anger and sadness have tapered off and the person grieving finally accepts the loss. Acceptance is not the notion of a loss being "OK" or "all right"; it's about recognizing the reality of the loss and accepting the new reality the person grieving must now learn to be the new norm.
Getting Help
The most important factor in healing from a loss is the support from other people. Expressing feelings and sharing the loss makes the grieving process easier when connected to family and friends, even when they don't know how to help. Consider a religious community or support group if one is available. Grief counselors are also a valid option if the grief becomes too much to bear. They are trained and experienced in dealing with loss and can remove obstacles and help overcome strong emotions.
