Grief is a difficult emotion for children to understand and to deal with. According to Kids Health, the way a child reacts to a grief situation depends on the age of the child. Parents Connect weighs in by discussing the types of behavior that can be expected from different age groups. Children ages three to five cannot abstractly understand death or loss as permanent and once a child realizes that the loss will not reverse, they can become clingy or anxious. Six to eight-year-olds understand that death or loss is permanent and ask a lot of questions about death including the biggest fear, that a parent will die also. Nine to fourteen-year-olds may refuse to display emotions about death or loss as a way to protect their fragile emotions. Whatever way a child responds to grief, there are activities that can help them cope.
Question and Answer Sessions
Children naturally have questions about what death is and what happens when someone dies. Kids Health recommends having an open and honest discussion with children so they are free to ask their questions and get answers that make sense to them. The willingness of a parent to respond to a child's questions will let the child know that what he is feeling is not wrong. Kids Health goes on to recommend that parents tailor their answers to the age level of the child. For example, five- and six-year-old children think literally and need concrete answers to their questions while older children will be able to think more abstractly about death and the realization that every living thing eventually dies. Kids Health also suggests that parents avoid telling a child that they have lost a loved one or that the loved one went away or went to sleep because this can confuse them and prevent proper response to feelings of grief.
Mourning Activities
Kids Health recommends that parents consider whether their child is developmentally ready to attend a funeral or memorial service and to consider other ways of mourning if they feel that their child is not quite ready yet. Healthy Children has a similar stance and suggests that the mourning period involve discussions about what the child loved about the person that died and goes on to suggest that parents avoid hiding their emotions so their child learns that crying and being sad is a normal and acceptable part of grieving. Kids Health adds that if parents choose to allow their child to attend a funeral that the child needs to be prepared for what happens at a funeral as well as what he may see during the funeral.
Counseling
In some instances, a child may not cope with grief in an appropriate way and if time does not seem to be healing the feelings of grief, counseling is one way that children can receive the help they need. Kids Health cautions parents to watch for signs that children may need counseling. For example, radical changes in behavior or significant changes with school and grades may indicate that counseling may be necessary. Doctors, school guidance counselors, and mental health workers may be able to provide additional ways to teach children how to cope with grief. Kids Health recommends that parents remember that learning how to deal with grief is something that takes time and patience and a willingness to seek help is an important way to help children.
