Divorce is a major loss in your life, even if you initiated the split. It may have been the best choice due to incompatibility or abuse, but it is still hurtful. You lose the companionship of another person and your living arrangements and financial situation are changed. You may feel like a failure, be overwhelmed by loneliness or have a wide range of other feelings. You will also go through a grieving process that includes some specific steps.
Denial
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, a leader in the hospice movement, cited denial as the first stage of grief over a loss. You may try to deny that divorce is inevitable and cling to a hope of working things out. The Divorce Info website says that you might look for reasons your partner is saying she wants to split, such as, "She's just mad and doesn't mean it" or, "She's going through a mid-life crisis and this will pass." Denial is strong and can give you false hope even if you are in an abusive situation or your partner has walked out on you and made his intentions clear.
Anger
Anger usually follows denial when you realize the threat of divorce is real. It is usually aimed at your partner. The Woman's Divorce website explains that you may be resentful and ask, "How could she do this to me?" You may want revenge on the other person, plotting how to lash out at her legally or otherwise, the Divorceinfo website states. You may feel like a victim caught in unfair circumstances. You may also be angry at yourself, questioning whether your own actions pushed the other person away.
Bargaining
The bargaining stage is a last-ditch effort to stop the divorce. You may beg the other person to stay and promise to do whatever it takes to make the marriage work, even if it is unrealistic. This might include making major changes that focus on the other person's needs instead of your own or agreeing to overlook cheating or abuse.
Sadness
Sadness kicks in when you realize divorce is inevitable, the Woman's Divorce site explains. You may see it is the best option, but you are still depressed. Initially, it might feel as if you can't make it through the loss, but the sadness will diminish if you let your feelings out. Good outlets include crying, journaling and talking to supportive family members and friends.
Acceptance
Acceptance marks the end of the grieving process. You work out your feelings, accept the split and move on with your life. Acceptance is characterized by letting go of the past and not letting the divorce dominate your thoughts, according to Woman's Divorce. Instead, you focus on living in the present as a single person and creating future plans.
