Confidence breeds success and inspires admiration. While capturing the power you so admire in others may be difficult or painful, you can use psychological and physical tools that help even the shyest, most socially phobic person break the bonds of low self-esteem. Use six steps to improve your self-confidence. The benefits of building your self-confidence are exponential--the more confidence you have, the more you gain.
Change the Tape
In group therapy circles, the phrase "change the tape" refers to the voice in your head that tends to repeat the same things over and over as though it's a tape on a loop. You probably don't realize how negative this inner monologue can be sometimes. If you make a mistake, you might think, "I'm so stupid" or "I'm always messing things up." This self-defeating internal commentary takes a toll on your self-confidence. Try a more encouraging message to yourself when things are going well, and especially when they aren't.
Set Small Goals
Success creates momentum. Set small goals for yourself that are important but incremental. It's far better to aim lower and hit the target consistently than to put your goals out of reach. Build up a healthy stock of small successes so you have the confidence to tackle your bigger goals.
Make a List of Attributes
While it sounds very Stuart Smalley, it truly is vital that you treat yourself with respect and recognize your positive attributes. Jot down a list of the things you like about yourself, and maybe expand on it by writing about why those qualities are important to you. This will give you a sense of perspective. It also can reveal missing areas you'd like to work on and add to your list.
Take a Personal Inventory
While recognizing your attributes is important to your overall attitude about yourself, being fair and accurate often means looking at things in your life that you are not so happy with. Take an unvarnished look at your relationships, your habits, the way you deal with adversity--consider anything that makes up the core of your interaction with the world so you can analyze it, and, if necessary, work to change it.
Relax
Just breathe. Self-confidence is learned over time. Try not to get overly self-critical about setbacks or excessively jubilant about your successes. The trend line is what's important--look at whether you're making steady progress despite the ups and downs. Relax and try to remember that you are on a journey to a new, self-confident you. There is no quick fix.
Exercise
Exercise serves a dual purpose when you're trying to build self-confidence. Set aside the time to work out. Make this part of your incremental goal list, so just by engaging in exercise, you are stocking up on small victories. Physiology also influences your mood. Exercise releases endorphins. These feel-good chemicals can serve as a pick-me-up that lasts throughout the day.
References
- Northern County Psychiatric Associates: Social Phobia and Shyness; Dr. Carol Watkins; 2004
- Mayo Clinic: Depression and Anxiety: Exercise Eases Symptoms
- HelpGuide.org: Social Anxiety Disorder and Social Phobia
- ZenHabits: 25 Killer Actions to Boost Your Self-Confidence; Leo Babauta
- Mind Tools: Building Self-Confidence
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