According to Steve Hein, an authority on teen depression and suicide, mental abuse is the attempt by one person to dominate another by means of guilt, manipulation, intimidation, or any other type of nonphysical coercion. Mental abuse can occur between any two people. It is important to know the characteristics of mental abuse in order to protect yourself and to recognize its victims.
Occurrence
Mental abuse is most common in close relationships in which one partner is in a position to financially or emotionally dominate the other. Consequently, it is often found in spousal, parent-child and work relationships. It is also relatively common in unmarried romantic relationships--particularly when the partners live together--and in caretaker relationships that are found in hospitals and nursing homes.
Abuser Profile
Abusers tend to be unusually insecure people and often suffer from depression. They tend to take an extremely possessive attitude toward their victims, which is often masked as a strong desire to "protect" the victim from perceived external threats. They tend to see, and hate, in their victims their own unperceived shortcomings. Abusers lack the ability to empathize with others--power, rather than love, is their primary motivation. They will not tolerate being criticized--they are "always right." Abusive personalities may have substance abuse problems. Although substance abuse is not always the cause of the abuse, the use of substances tends to increase the seriousness of the abuse over time.
Features
Mental abuse is characterized by abusive expectations--the victim is held responsible for meeting a disproportionate amount of the abuser's needs. It is also characterized by aggressive and passive-aggressive behavior such as ordering the victim around, constant criticism about petty matters, false accusations, threats, manipulation and ridicule. Abusers tend to seek control over every aspect of their victims' lives, including their thoughts. They frequently manufacture crises in order to create drama and chaos. When confronted, the abuser may deny the abuse by questioning the victim's memory, honesty or sanity.
The Abuse Cycle
The abuse cycle begins with a buildup of tension and a breakdown in communication. This is followed by verbal abuse, threats, various forms of intimidation, accusations and arguments. The abuser may either apologize, make excuses, deny that any abuse occurred, blame the victim or accuse the victim of exaggerating the abuse. The abusive incident is then "forgotten" as if it had never happened, and the abuse cycle begins again.
Effects
Mental abuse tends to leave victims with feelings of low self-esteem and difficulty trusting others. They may isolate themselves and take special pains to avoid those they see as authority figures. Abuse victims often lie to others when it is completely unnecessary to do so, because lying is so often necessary to survive their abusive relationship. Abuse victims have trouble deciding what they want from life, and they rarely complete projects that they begin. In extreme cases they may suffer from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD.
