There's a reason jealousy is sometimes called the "green-eyed monster." Feelings of anger, confusion and despair that come up when people suspect their partners may be attracted to or having an affair with someone else can erupt into out-of-control behaviors like verbal, mental or even physical abuse. Jealousy often has more to do with a person's own sense of insecurity than it does with the partner's actions. Fortunately there are activities to quell jealousy and even overcome its root causes.
Talk to Your Partner
From an evolutionary standpoint, a little jealousy isn't necessarily a bad thing. Jealousy has helped human beings choose less volatile relationships which, in turn, have promoted more stable families. Mild jealousy can even cause a person to become more attracted to a partner--another person's interest in may be a form of flattery. If, however, jealousy is beginning to interfere with your relationship, it may be time to talk to your partner. If you suspect that your feelings of insecurity are disproportionate to observable actions, explain how you are feeling and allow your partner to reassure you that your fears are unwarranted. A little communication may be enough to alleviate your jealousy.
Self-Help
If your partner is engaged in a flirtation with someone else, your jealousy may be justified--but it still doesn't make it healthy. The issues that underlie jealousy, like insecurity or feelings of inadequacy, will only be exacerbated by accusations, anger and conflict. Jealous behavior can even become a self-fulfilling prophecy by driving your partner into the arms of someone else.
To have a healthy relationship, you must find ways to curb your jealousy. Admit to yourself that you are jealous, and then refocus your attention on something else. Plan a vacation, go for a hike or get a massage. Make sure you are getting plenty of rest and that you are exercising and eating well. Talk with a friend who can help you gain perspective. Staring directly at the green-eyed monster will usually reduce it to manageable proportions.
Therapy
Sometimes jealousy can be overwhelming. If your partner has engaged in an outside relationship, trust can be severely damaged or broken. In the case of severe--or morbid--jealousy, the answer may be psychotherapy. Couples counseling can help to heal the rifts in a relationship following an affair. In the most extreme cases, professionals have found that cognitive behavioral therapies, including those used to treat cases of post-traumatic stress disorder, can be beneficial when jealousy has taken over a person's life.
When it comes to jealousy, it is best to deal with it when it is small, rather than letting it grow into a raging, relationship-killing monster.
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