The death of a loved one, illness, divorce, job loss and facing your own death, are just some of life's events that can cause grief. Reactions to loss vary amongst individuals depending on personality traits, past traumas, social support and the specifics of the situation. There are five stages, or states, of mourning that are commonly identified by mental health professionals in the path to acceptance and healing. Not everyone experiences every stage or follows them sequentially.
Shock and Denial
Shock is often an initial reaction to loss. You may feel numb and feel no emotion, or believe the trauma is not happening. Denial is a protective defense mechanism and common reaction when an event is too overwhelming. Gradually, awareness of what has happened begins to sink in--if you don't eventually move out of this stage, it can become problematic.
Anger and Bargaining
As you come to understand what has happened, you might feel angry. The event may seem unfair, you may be upset with yourself or others for not being able to prevent it, or in the case of a death, feel resentful for being abandoned. You may also feel anger towards loved ones who you perceive as not providing the emotional support you need. Bargaining with a higher power is also common is the early stages of grief--you may promise to be a better person or give up certain things in exchange for reversing the loss or impending loss.
Guilt
Guilt is often felt by the bereaved. Upon the death of a loved one, you may feel guilty for still being alive or remorse that you were unable to relieve the love one's pain and suffering. You may feel as though you didn't do enough to prevent the loss. Forgiving yourself and recognizing that some things are beyond your control are an important part of the healing process. In cases where you lose someone to suicide, guilt can be particularly pronounced, and it's important to recognize that you are not responsible for the person's decision.
Depression
Depression can be the most difficult and painful part of the mourning process. Life may lose all pleasure, you may feel hopeless and distraught, experience changes in eating and sleeping patterns, have trouble concentrating and cry often. Physically, you may lack energy and have body aches. You may feel isolated and lonely, yet shun social interaction. It is important to keep in mind that these feelings lessen with time.
Anxiety
You may experience anxiety after the loss of a job or loved one, or the onset of illness. Feelings of vulnerability at life's unpredictability may make you worry excessively over others' well-being or fear the future loss of employment or those closest to you. You may have difficulty being alone and feel an overwhelming need to check-in with or connect with others. In more extreme cases, you may experience panic, and have difficulty eating or sleeping.
Acceptance/Healing
Most people eventually accept their loss, and the anger, depression and anxiety fade. You may still experience episodes of sadness, but they won't overwhelm your life or become debilitating. You will become reengaged with life, concentration will improve and you will again find pleasure and meaning in activities and social interactions. If you find yourself unable to move past any of the stages of grief, interventions such as psychological counseling or medications can help.
