1. Address Your Inner Voice
Low self-esteem is often characterized by an "inner critic," which is a part of you that constantly berates your efforts and belittles your achievements. Sometimes an inner critic takes on the voice of a victim ("no one will give me a chance") or a perfectionist ("I should be doing better than this"), but the end result is an ongoing drag on your self-esteem. You can counter negative self-talk by first recognizing it for what it is and then responding to it with positive counterstatements.
Look for instances where your inner critic generalizes unduly, is unremittingly harsh or makes statements that don't hold up to logic. Then write down a series of positive counterstatements that redress those criticisms. They should always involve upbeat phrases and avoid negative words like "not," "no" or "can't." Keep them in the present tense and always use first-person statements (using "I" instead of your name). Draw up a list of them and practice saying them readily. When your inner critic starts to berate you, respond with the appropriate counterstatement every time. Eventually, your counterstatements will arise naturally in your mind whenever your inner critic gets going, keeping the negativity in check.
2. Respect Your Basic Needs
Self-help manuals often refer to this as "nurturing your inner child," but it basically boils down to giving yourself a break. Acknowledge that you have needs and desires and that you deserve to indulge them. Take care of yourself by eating right and getting a good night's sleep. Take a moment every day to acknowledge your accomplishments and appreciate the things you have done. Plan little rewards when you meet your goals, such as getting an ice cream cone, buying a new CD or just taking a few hours to relax. Above all, you should forgive yourself when you don't meet your goals and refrain from self-punishment when things don't go exactly as you'd like. Instead, view the incident as a learning process--steps on the path to self-improvement--rather than a mistake for which you should berate yourself.
3. Develop Healthy Boundaries
Boundaries simply mean understanding where you end and other people begin. It can be surprisingly difficult to set them, especially if you struggle with low self-esteem. Don't define your self-worth in terms of other people, even if they're significant others or family members. You shouldn't validate yourself by trying to "rescue" or "take care of" someone else. Let go of people who are hurtful to you, and understand that you can't solve their problems for them. Explore your own needs and interests, and don't think of it as selfish when you do so. Practice asserting your needs to other people calmly and clearly, without feeling like you're being a nuisance.
4. Find a Support Network
At the same time, everyone needs a few close friends to confide in from time to time. Look for people in your life who accept who you are without condition and have shown a willingness to stand by you through tough times. Don't be afraid to talk with them if you're feeling down, and draw on them for support during periods when you feel isolated or alone. It isn't selfish to ask for that kind of support, and it isn't unreasonable to assume that they will sympathize with your problems. They can keep you from feeling cut off and help you to see that your feelings have value too.
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