Divorce ends a marriage but not the lives of those involved. Although the painful process of divorce might change the plans you once had, it also gives you a chance to begin again, knowing what you know now. Recovery involves letting go of pieces of the past as you take hold of a future that gives you an opportunity to create new goals and foster new dreams.
What Recovery Is
For most people, marriage requires a blending of lifestyles, friends, family and financial goals. Many married women define career aspirations, vacation plans and even home decorating styles based upon their identity as part of a couple. Divorce topples that structure, and divorce recovery involves rebuilding emotional health, financial security and social networks based upon your new "single again" identity. You might want to seek support through individual or group therapy as you contemplate changing careers, going back to school, relocating or learning how to deal with the challenges of single parenting.
Resources
With nearly half of American marriages ending in divorce, according to the National Institutes of Health, resources abound for those seeking support during recovery. Many churches offer divorce recovery support groups designed to take you through the grieving process associated with divorce. Online organizations such as Parents Without Partners provide specifics about coping with single parenting. Marital and family therapists, life coaches and psychologists can support you individually or as a family. Your family physician might have information regarding local services. Your local college usually can supply you with guidelines regarding grants and scholarships available for women interested in pursuing new career paths.
Benefits
It may seem strange to consider mourning the death of your marriage, but the experts at the University of Maryland Medical Center note that ending a significant relationship can cause its own grieving process that you should not avoid. Rather, they suggest that moving through the natural stages of grief, ranging from disbelief to anger to acceptance, might prevent major depression and negative effects on your overall physical health. Michele Germain, MSW, writing for the website Woman's Divorce, suggests that addressing your emotions, setting new career goals, developing new friendships and determining your priorities as a single person will help prevent the false inner message that your life is without purpose.
How Long
Recovering from divorce is a process, and time-lines vary according to your situation. For instance, those with children might need help and time to learn how to cope with the intricacies of co-parenting with an ex-spouse. The experts at UMMC acknowledge that it can take more than a year to move through the emotional aspects associated with grieving a loss. The speed with which you take steps to rebuild your financial security, determine career goals or begin to feel comfortable about making decisions without a hovering spouse generally depend upon your personality, circumstances and support network.
Other Considerations
Children are significantly affected by the changes involved in divorce, but they often have little say over how adult decisions will alter their future. In their article "Helping Your Children Through Divorce," health care professionals affiliated with KidsHealth note that finding a support group, using online resources, or asking your doctor or religious leaders to refer you for help in recovering from the traumatic experience of divorce can positively influence your child's adjustment to her new life.
