Jealousy is an innate survival mechanism that is necessary in maintaining intimate relationships, according to "Psychology Today". Mild feelings of jealousy help remind partners that they should appreciate one another and make consistent efforts to keep one another happy. However, when jealousy becomes intense, it can turn coherent thoughts into irrational ones. It may even become dangerous.
Statistics
Jealousy, a natural reaction to a real or imagined threat to an intimate relationship, has become a problem in one-third of couples seeking marital therapy, says "Psychology Today". Extreme jealousy in a romantic relationship may cause a person to become emotionally or physically abusive. According to the U.S. Department of Justice, 49 percent of nearly 3.5 million violent crimes committed against family members between 1998 and 2002 were committed against spouses.
Symptoms
Jealousy can contain a broad range of thought processes, emotions and actions. According to a BBC.co.uk article by relationship psychotherapist Paula Hall, jealousy may involve thoughts such as resentment, comparison with a rival, self-pity, blame and concern over image. Jealousy may also comprise emotions, such as pain, sadness, rage, envy, grief and fear. In response to these thoughts and emotions, a jealous person may feel lightheaded, sweat, shake, consistently question his partner and act aggressively.
Managing Your Jealousy
If you believe that you are experiencing mild jealousy, you may be able adhere to some practices that can help diminish your thoughts and feelings. Writing down your triggers--when your partner plays tennis with his female coworker--using evidence to determine whether your relationship may actually be in danger and deciding whether your response is justified can be helpful first steps in addressing your jealousy. If you've determined that your jealousy isn't warranted, you may be able to utilize reassuring self-talk, such as "We are fully committed to each other"--when an event triggers your insecurity. Also, if you discuss your jealousy with your partner, you may be able to work together to strategize methods of reducing your worry. Don't hesitate to find counseling if you believe your jealousy is deeply rooted in past circumstances, such as a cheating spouse or childhood abandonment.
Managing Partner's Jealousy
If your partner admits that she is jealous or acts upon her jealousy, first appreciate that she wouldn't be jealous if she didn't care deeply about you and your relationship. Next, do what you can to try to quell her anxiety. You may not be able to tell her that she can call you at any time of day to check in on you, but you may decide to invite her on outings with your close friend of the opposite sex and call her when you know you will be out late. Also don't forget to verbalize your love and commitment. If your partner is still jealous she may require additional counseling.
Desensitization Therapy
Therapists use a variety of devices to treat jealousy. One technique, known as desensitization, requires that a patient lists and ranks his jealousy triggers, then relaxes his body as he imagines all of his jealousy triggers one by one. Over time, he should be able stay calm even when he reaches the trigger on the top of his list.
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