Relationship problems are difficult to solve, especially when partners can't agree whether there even is a problem. Make time to sit down with your partner and hash it out. Expect your partner to say some things that offend you, and do your best to stay calm. The key to solving relationship problems is to identify their exact nature and then form a workable solution together.
Communication
Good communication skills are vital for successful conflict resolution. First, be a good listener. Do not interrupt or talk over your partner. Avoid taking everything your partner says personally. Instead of instantly getting angry at what your partner has to say, try to hear what the underlying concerns are. Second, speak clearly and to the point. Avoid irrelevant and argumentative topics. For example, don't bring up past disagreements or wrongs to support your argument about a current, unrelated problem. Instead, give your side plainly and without anger. Remember that your partner is having a relationship problem too, so don't be surprised if you are misunderstood at first. Just be patient and understanding so that you and your partner can identify exactly what the relationship problem is and then work together to find a solution.
Take Responsibility
If you made a mistake, accept responsibility for it. Especially during an intense argument, it is easy to minimize your wrongs and maximize your partner's. Even if the relationship problem is due to your partner, be prepared to accept that you played a part in it, if only by tolerating it. For example, if you suddenly get mad about your partner's failure to put away the dishes, understand that up until now you have accepted this behavior. Had you from the beginning discussed this with your partner openly and honestly, the problem might be less severe now.
Recognize Abusive Behavior
Although understanding and accepting responsibility for relationship problems are two important aspects of conflict resolution, you also must be able to recognize the signs of an unhealthy relationship. If you are in an abusive relationship, seek professional counseling immediately. It is perhaps easier to identify physically abusive relationships, but mentally abusive relationships are no less serious. Stanford University defines relationship abuse as "a pattern of abusive and coercive behaviors used to maintain power and control over a former or current intimate partner." If this describes your situation, contact a relationship counselor. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is 800-799-SAFE. Other sources of support include family, friends, churches, community groups and law enforcement.
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