You may be going through the grieving process if you mourn the death of a loved one or the end of a close relationship, or if you recently found out that you or someone you care about have a serious illness. Any significant loss can trigger feelings of grief. According to Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, there are five recovery stages that you may progress through during the grief process. Kubler-Ross pioneered studies on death and dying in the 20th century and is the author of the ground-breaking book "On Death and Dying," which concretely outlines these five stages.
Denial
The first stage you will experience during the grief process is denial. Denial occurs when you experience the feeling that you can't believe that what has happened or what will happen. According to Kubler-Ross, you this is a temporary phase in which you experience thoughts such as "I can't believe this is happening to me." You may try to ignore these feelings and go about your daily routine as though nothing has changed.
Anger
When you recognize that you can no longer deny reality, a phase of anger will set in. You may feel intense anger that you are in this situation, and you may feel like it's not fair. You might feel like you're the only one who has been through this ordeal. You may lash out at family members or other loved ones.
Bargaining
When your anger runs its course and you can no longer sustain its momentum, you may turn to attempts to make bargains with God or the universe. According to Kubler-Ross, you may say things like "If only I could live for a few more years, I'd do anything." You may make promises to be a better person to postpone the inevitable from occurring.
Depression
In this stage, you may have a "Why bother?" attitude, feeling like anything you do is futile. Kubler-Ross states that you begin to see the situation as unavoidable yet you feel depressed that you can't do anything to change it. During this phase, you may feel sad or tearful. You may feel like turning away from loved ones or activities that once brought you pleasure.
Acceptance
Depression gives way to acceptance. You realize that you can no longer fight what is going to happen, and as long as you have enough time to prepare for it, you realize that it's OK. According to Kubler-Ross in her book "On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss," many people generally expect and receive closure from this phase. However, often, as with the loss of a child, there may never be a true sense of acceptance and closure.
References
- "On Death and Dying"; Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, MD; 1997
- "On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss"; Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, MD; 2007
