Conflict is a fact of life in our workplace, relationships and day-to-day life. Conflict can be damaging and create feelings of dislike, resentment, distrust and negativity. You cannot eliminate conflict from your life, but you can turn its negative properties into positive ones. Conflict can result in growth if you choose to view it as an opportunity to broaden your understanding of an issue or belief.
Respect Differences
You are as unique in your character and personality as the next person. Your experience has shaped your attitudes and beliefs, and as you interact with family, friends and coworkers, you bring that history to each encounter. Other people's personalities have been shaped the same way and are not always the same as yours. These differences can be the source of conflict, create struggles with values and cause relationships to fail. Different, however, does not mean wrong. By respecting--and listening to--another's perspective, any conflict can result in an increased understanding, group cohesion and improved self-knowledge.
Engage in Authentic Communication
Conflict builds psychological barriers between you and the one you are in conflict with. Authentic Communication is a method that removes emotional extremes and reframes communication to provide opportunities to discover more satisfying options. It is based on four steps: 1) Observation--describing what the conflict is; 2) Feeling--stating how the conflict makes you feel; 3) Need--telling what your needs are with regards to the conflict; and 4) Request--asking for strategies to get your needs met. Without a commitment to open communication, emotions cloud the core issues, and words only become weapons for blame.
Constructive Confrontation
Confrontation is inevitable, but confrontation does not mean conflict. Constructive confrontation allows people to come together with the common goal of finding a solution rather than pushing through a personal agenda. Both you and the person in conflict have the opportunity to develop a strategy with both your interests in mind that will result in a positive resolution.
Be Open to Solutions
Conflicts end with one of three solutions: First, you decide the conflict is not large enough to cause any negative or untoward effects on you or another and ignore it. Second, you realize the other person in conflict is not going to compromise, and the two of you agree to disagree. Third, you recognize that there are many possible solutions to the problem that will create a winning situation for you and the person in conflict. Solutions in this case are compromises and will require some give and take on your part.
Ask for Help
There will be times when you just cannot reach an amenable conclusion to conflict and you must ask for help. The type of conflict will determine the type of help you need. At work, a supervisor, manager or another type of authority figure would be a good option and creates accountability with the issue. Talking with coworkers only enlists more players on your side of the conflict. In your private life, family and friends know you well enough to offer perspectives you may not have considered. Self-help groups are another viable option. Although they do not know you as well, they are comprised of people with similar experiences. More difficult conflicts may require the professional services of a psychiatrist or psychologist. Seek local resources in your community.
References
- Mind Tools: Conflict Resolution
- "Group Facilitation: A Research and Applications Journal"; Difficult Conversations: Authentic Communication Leads to Greater Understanding and Teamwork; Martha Lasley; Issue 7, 2006
- Constructive Confrontation.Com: Top 10 Myths about Workplace Confrontation
- Conflict Information Consortium: Constructive Confrontation Theoretical Framework
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