Grief is a natural human response to the loss of another person whether the loss is caused by death, divorce or relationship breakup. Psychologists such as prominent grief researcher Elisabeth Kübler-Ross have discovered that grief typically follows a five-stage process. Not everyone goes through all five stages, and it is OK to skip one or more of them as long as you eventually move on to the last stage--acceptance and recovery.
Shock and Denial
Your initial response to an overwhelming loss will probably be a numb disbelief, especially if the loss was sudden and unexpected. Your mind, incapable of absorbing the full magnitude of the loss, will react by denying its reality. Although this may sound maladaptive, Kübler-Ross asserts that it is actually a healthy response because it prevents the mind from being crushed by a load it is not yet prepared to bear.
Anger
As the reality of your loss begins to set in, your mind will tend to "cover up" its emerging sorrow with anger, because anger is easier to manage than sorrow. At this point your mind has begun to deal with your loss but is not ready to accept the full brunt of it. You may look for a scapegoat--God, other people, or life in general. It is important to realize at this point that your anger is a mask for sorrow and not a response to the real or imagined shortcomings of any outside agent. (See Reference 1)
Bargaining
As your conscious mind begins to glimpse the full magnitude of your loss, desperation will set in. In a seemingly irrational response, your mind will begin to attempt to bargain its way out of its sorrow. You may seek to strike a deal with God, or be overwhelmed by the feeling that if you do good things that you will be rewarded by being spared the emotional effects of your loss. In fact, the mind's bargaining response is a third layer of defense against full conscious awareness of the implications of a loss that it is gradually preparing to accept, and it is a legitimate and effective psychological self-defense mechanism despite its irrationality. (see Reference 1)
Depression
Your mind will abandon bargaining when it is finally ready to shoulder the entire burden of your loss and assume full conscious awareness of its implications.Your mind's last line of defense against sorrow has been breached. Your focus will be on the present, and a sense of hopelessness and emptiness is unavoidable. (see Reference 1)
Acceptance and Recovery
Recovery occurs when you fully accept what has happened and realize that you are capable of moving on despite your loss. Although the day-by-day pain will abate, a certain sense of emptiness will remain throughout your lifetime, because recovery from a loss is not the same as never having suffered a loss in the first place. (see Reference 1)
Member Comments