Part of modern, active parenting is teaching children the importance of setting goals and giving them the tools and encouragement to follow a plan and achieve those goals. Modern parents understand how critical this skill set is to the child's success as an adult. Failure to instruct children on setting goals and achieving them results in lifelong frustration and underachievement. Goal-setting is a fundamental lesson of life no loving, responsible parent should fail to give a child.
Historical Basis
Goal-setting has been a part of parenting for about as long as history has been recorded. The Ancient Greeks and Orientals all felt it was important to encourage their children to set higher goals for themselves and pursue those goals energetically. Goals-setting and conscious pursuance of those goals are, after all, what separate us from other higher species. Gorillas can learn to speak sign language and acquire the vocabulary of an 8-year-old, but they still don't set higher goals!
Process
"Setting goals" is a multi-stage process. Children need to become aware of possibilities and then decide which possibilities and outcomes are valuable and important to them. Parents need to teach that not all goals are worthy of pursuit, and not all goals will result in something beneficial. Discrimination between concrete goals, and ethereal "dreams," is important.
Goal-Setting Tools
Choosing worthwhile goals requires intellectual comparison and judgment tools, tools that parents can teach their children through discussions and various exercises. Children can learn to research the facts and then weigh the "pluses" and "minuses" in a goal-setting decision-making process. This rational approach to goal-setting will derive lifelong benefits.
Strategies
Parents should teach their children that setting a goal implies achieving the goal through action. Children need to learn how to plot their actions carefully, and logically, so they "win" the goal they've set. When a child says, "I want to be an astronaut when I grow up," parents need to demonstrate how someone really becomes an astronaut---through education, physical fitness and exposure to certain professions like science, the military and aviation. Reaching goals means making a realistic plan---and following it.
Adaptation
Modern parents now know that it's unrealistic and unfair to teach a child that they can indeed achieve any goal they set their heart on. In the real world, this simply isn't true. Factors outside of the child's control can determine a different outcome as well. However, parents can teach children how to accept "defeat," and learn how to adapt and work around defeat, to achieve other goals, or new goals. Adaptation is a priceless concept and skill when it comes to goal-setting.
Training
Parents can start teaching children goal-setting and goal-achievement at an early age, as soon as verbal skills and self-recognition comes into play around age 2 or 3 for most children. Simple exercises, like setting a goal to pick up toys before a timer runs out, to win an extra bedtime story reward, can be a good start. As the child matures, goal-setting training can be increased by "notches" of consequences, rewards and complexity. Eventually, children as young as 10 years of age should be able to set realistic goals with longer "pursuit" periods, such as three months into the future, and demonstrate an ability to follow a plan---with adaptations---to reach that goal.
Cautions
Failure is a part of learning. No parent should be so intent on teaching goal-setting that the lessons become too rigid and demanding. Every child has his own speed in which he learns this kind of life skill so be generous with your patience. Don't be too harsh in criticizing a child who fails to meet a goal; help them overcome any "failure" with new strategies and encouragement to adapt and try again. If you're worried about your child's progress or your teaching ability, seek help through child development classes, books and support from teachers, and other child rearing professionals.
References
- "Goal Setting for Students"; John Bishop; 2003
- "What Do You Really Want? How to Set a Goal and Go for It! A Guide for Teens"; Beverly K. Bachel; 2001
- "Kid's Playing Business: Setting A Goal"; Ron Piscatelli:2004
