Losing someone you love is extremely painful. In her book, "On Death and Dying," Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross identified five stages of grief common to coping with the loss of a loved one. The stages of grief are applicable to any form of loss, including a breakup, a divorce or a death. Although they have a common pattern, the stages of grieving are not linear. You may experience them out of order or bounce between them many times during the course of your grieving process. Furthermore, grieving is an individual experience. According to the Help Guide website, there is not a right or a wrong way to grieve, nor is there a concrete time frame attached to it. You will work through your feelings at your own pace.
Denial
The first stage of grieving is denial, either an unwillingness or an inability to face the inevitability of a loss. You convince yourself it cannot be happening or there must be a mistake. According to the Grief website, the shock that accompanies loss can be overwhelming. Denial is a defense mechanism that provides a temporary disconnect from the reality of your situation. It is your mind's way of protecting you from sensory overload.
Anger
Once you're ready to admit your loss is unavoidable, you may find yourself feeling very angry. The anger you experience may be directed at yourself, your loved one, other people in your life or even at God. According to the Grief website, this anger you feel is normal and even healthy. Denial distances you from your loss; anger reconnects you to it. Although still painful, reality is no longer intolerable.
Bargaining
At this stage of grief, you begin to negotiate with yourself or with a higher power to prevent your loss. This is a psychological attempt to gain control of an uncontrollable situation. It is also entirely normal, says Kubler-Ross. Helplessness is a frightening feeling. It is not unusual or inappropriate to find yourself bargaining in an effort to mitigate the sadness and fear of your circumstances.
Depression
All of the stages are challenging, but this one is particularly hard. During the depression stage, you feel the full weight of your pain. You may experience such acute hopelessness and despair that you even begin to question your desire to go on living. As difficult as this is, it is necessary to your grieving process and your eventual healing. It is during this stage that you confront all of your painful emotions and attempt to reconcile them, says Kubler-Ross.
Acceptance
Acceptance is the final stage of the grieving process. You will likely continue to experience sadness and anger from time to time, but your pain will no longer consume you. It is important that you understand that accepting your loss does not mean you are "okay" with it. According to the Grief website, you may not ever be okay with losing someone you love. However, by this stage, you have accepted this new reality as part of your life and you are ready to move past your grief.
References
- Help Guide: Supporting A Grieving Person
- Grief: The Five Stages of Grief
- "On Death and Dying": Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, MD: 1969
