A stillbirth can put a strain on any relationship. The sadness and grief that follows the ending of a pregnancy in a tragic way can have you wondering what you did wrong and how you could have changed things. Stillbirths are most often caused by things like high blood pressure, congenital abnormalities, cord problems and blood disease, says the University of Virginia Health System, meaning it is mostly incurable and no one's fault.
Divorce
A study performed by a variety of departments of the University of Michigan and published in Pediatrics, the official journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics, found that the divorce rates of couples who endured a stillbirth were higher than those who did not. The same is true for couples who are cohabitating; those who suffer a stillbirth are more likely to break up. Knowing this can help you work even harder to preserve your marriage immediately following a stillbirth.
Tension
Tension can arise, especially when both parents grieve in different ways, say the March of Dimes. A mother may grieve opening and publicly, while a father internalizes his grief and keeps it to himself. Because of this, arguments and fighting can threaten your marriage. Support groups and counseling can help you work through your grief and understand your partner's way of grieving.
Depression
A study published in a 2002 issue of The Lancet found that anxiety, depression and post-traumatic stress disorder can follow a stillbirth, especially for the mother. Dealing with depressive disorders on top of the stillbirth can hurt the marriage. You might feel as though you are taking care of your spouse and not have time to properly grieve yourself, or vice versa. Your obstetrician should check for signs of post-partum depression and treat accordingly.
Loss of Intimacy
A stillbirth can change the way that you and your partner look and respond to intimacy, says CompassionateFriends.org. You may feel guilty when becoming intimate that you are taking time away from the grief and mourning process. Your partner may believe that physical closeness is the best way to deal with mourning. This imbalance of intimacy can create anger and resentment within the marriage.
Closeness
Some couples will glean increased closeness from the ordeal. The stillbirth can solidify your relationship as you lean on each other for support. An article published in a 2008 issue of the Journal of Family Social Work found that a family that was previously cohesive can weather a stillbirth and complete the grief process with increased closeness and a more successful and loving relationship.
