1. Look for Promises That Aren't Kept
Individuals who exhibit passive aggressive behavior often seem cooperative or even eager to grant a request or participate in an activity. These promises, however, are rarely kept. Passive aggressive individuals often "flake out" or fail to complete tasks. If confronted with this behavior, these individuals will comply once again in a very agreeable manner, only to disappoint again. In most instances, a wide variety of excuses will be offered to explain this behavior.
2. Identify Vague or Unclear Agreements
Passive aggressive individuals often try to get out of agreements by making statements that are ambiguous or unclear. For instance, this person may not say yes or no in a clear manner, or claim that conditions that were made in the original agreement that were not met by the other party. Passive aggressive individuals often look for loopholes or extenuating circumstances that will get them "off the hook."
3. Note Gossip or Other Behaviors That Undermine Authority
One familiar component of most passive aggressive behavior is gossiping, or complaining about the integrity of others. For these individuals, this type of behavior draws the attention away from their inability to follow through on promises, providing an instant excuse. For instance, a passive aggressive person might complain to others about the unrealistic expectations of a boss, and then use his own failure to meet expectations as an example.
4. It's a Matter of Degree
Most people will occasionally resist or renege on promises, especially if an agreement was the result of duress or an uncomfortable compromise. What marks passive aggressive behavior is a constant pattern of this type of behavior, and if these tendencies are starting to interfere with personal relationships and everyday living. Passive aggressive behavior is not recognized as a mental illness or a personality disorder. It's important to identify the underlying causes of passive aggressive behaviors, whether it's fear, resentment or just laziness.
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