Marriage can be hard work, but marriage counseling may make it a little easier--and less likely to end in divorce, according to Paul Amato, Ph.D, a professor of sociology, demography and family studies at Penn State University, on CNN Living. Amato says that as many of 55 percent to 60 percent of divorces could be prevented if couples went through a marriage counseling or enrichment program together.
Know It Can't Solve Everything
If your partner is physically or emotionally abusive, marriage counseling may make the situation worse, according to Steven Stosny, Ph.D., author of the book "How to Improve your Marriage without Talking about It," on the Psychology Today blog. According to Stosny, marriage counseling can only work if both members of the couple come into it with the ability to self-regulate and deal with their own guilt and responsibility without blaming each other. Abusive partners usually can't do this, and counseling sessions may just provide additional fodder for abuse. If your partner is abusive, he needs individual counseling to deal with the issues causing his behavior. Marriage counseling alone is unlikely to solve your problems.
Evaluate Willingness to Work
Marriage counseling is most effective if you're both committed to improving your relationship, so before you make an appointment, ask yourself how willing you really are to do what it takes to make your marriage work, recommends Joanne Magdoff, Ph.D., a New York-based psychologist, in "Cosmopolitan" magazine. If your partner has cheated on you, stolen money from you or lied to you about something major, decide whether you consider what she did a forgivable offense. If you don't, marriage counseling may be a waste of both your time. On the other hand, if the good parts of your marriage outweigh the bad and you genuinely want to make things work, there's a good chance marriage counseling can help you work through a tough time.
Embrace Good Enough Marriage
Use your marriage counseling as an opportunity to create a good enough marriage rather than the perfect marriage, and your efforts are more likely to pay off in marital happiness. In fact, trying to have a perfect marriage can cause perpetual disappointment that ultimately erodes marital happiness, says Michele Weiner Davis, author of "The Divorce Remedy" on CNN Living. Work with your marriage counselor to highlight the issues in your relationship that cause the most problems for you as a couple and come up with ways to work through them together. Expect to build your communication skills during this process as clear communication is an essential ingredient for understanding and repairing marriage problems.
